Food Fight! Dispute About Spuds Ends in Jail

Tempers escalated during a disagreement over mashed potatoes, resulting in a woman charging the victim with a box cutter. Shaquina S. Hill, 23, was charged with menacing and harassment after she attacked her dinner guest. Hill first grabbed box cutters then began throwing things at the victim, including a heavy ceramic vase and a coffee table. Two questions: First, how do you throw a coffee table at someone? That has to be awkward. It really seems like a poor weapon of choice. Second, mashed potatoes? Really?

This argument has to center around lumps in the mashed potatoes. Lumpy spuds are the worst. I suppose there could be an argument about real potatoes vs. fake instant flake potatoes. Those things always made me feel weird but I think they would still be better than lumps. If you serve me lumpy potatoes I will contemplate throwing the coffee table at you 100% of the time. Don’t get me wrong—I will probably eat your lumpy mashed potatoes because I have a thing for carbs and anything that comes with gravy, but I won’t like it. Deep down inside I’ll be dreaming about pulling a box cutter on you. Might as well serve me a burnt popcorn, orange juice with pulp, and Jell-o “salad” with vegetables.

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Douglas Stephan is a solo attorney and owner of the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. He received his JD in 2010 from Ohio Northern University and BA from Ohio University. His practice is located outside of Dayton, Ohio. You can follow him on Twitter @stephanlaw.

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