Gun Threats: The Untold Story of Legos and Pop-tarts

As you may know, if you are extremely astute and listen to politics constantly, there is a gun debate going on in this country. Liberals are upset because crazy people keep spraying the general population with bullets. Conservatives are upset because they believe that any gun control legislation at all will eventually lead to an authoritarian state where the mere suggestion of a gun will result in jail time and black list membership. Which is totally crazy of them to think, right? I mean, people can obviously tell the difference between a legitimate threat and something that’s not a threat, right? Like no one would freak out over a Lego, they are only concerned about actual guns, obviously!

However, if the nation’s elementary schools are any indication, the conservatives don’t realize yet just how right they are. The story this week is that a school in Palmer, MA decided not to discipline a student for bringing a thimble sized Lego gun to school. Congratulations? That was really big of you Palmer Elementary! I’m sure it took a lot of soul searching to decide that  just maybe the Lego wasn’t a threat. Palmer School Committee Chair Maureen Gallagher on the incident: “There is no issue here. There’s going to be no disciplinary action taken. This is not a story and you can quote me.” Challenge accepted Maureen!

Of course the Massachusetts delinquent got off easy. In Maryland, at Park Elementary the little bastards children don’t get a ride down easy street.  Instead they have to suffer the consequences when they accidentally eat a pastry into the shape of gun (Apparently the kid was going for a mountain. So, I guess, he’s dangerous and bad at pastry art). Nebraska, firm in their desire to get a ride on the crazy train, allegedly asked a three year old deaf child to change his sign language name, because it looked too much like gun gesture.

So next time you accuse your friendly conservative neighbor of engaging in scare tactics, remember, if it’s happening in schools across America, then it could be happen anywhere.

 

 

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