I Don’t Want to Buy Raffle Tickets

It’s back-to-school raffle ticket season.  I don’t want any goddamn raffle tickets.  The prizes always suck, and I never win anyway.  Two secretaries have asked me so far if I’ll buy some for their kid—“no pressure,” of course.  Am I a bitch if I say no?  Or if I only buy one to get them off my back, do I look like a cheap ass?  I have loans.

Buy ten dollars worth from each and call it a day.  Cost of doing business.

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Ex-Bitter is a former big firm lawyer who now doles out advice to anyone who asks. Got a question? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com. Or read more Advice from an Ex-Bitter.


  1. Anonymous

    October 22, 2008 at 2:58 am

    Simply say “I don’t gamble”.  When the hags come around with their kids girl scout cookies, I say “I dont eat sugar”.  When the hags come around with other “causes” I say I let my wife take care of these causes.  In short, I don’t patronize the hags, nor do I expect anything but work out of them.  It keeps worklife a lot simpler.  Never S***t where you eat.

  2. BSD

    October 22, 2008 at 5:23 am

    Hey Anonymous – You must be really fun to work with!  I say just be picky, not a pushover…give to your circle of friends.

  3. Lady of Law

    October 22, 2008 at 5:45 am

    Not sure how “Never S**t where you eat” applies here.  A little bit goes a long way.  Just suck it up and help the kid out.  Isn’t being able to avoid the self guilt worth the cost of a martini?

  4. Southern Lawyer

    October 22, 2008 at 6:08 am

    dude, I feel your pain…I always say no to the girl scouts! they can get pretty pushy too…I had to tell my boss I was on a no carb diet…I’m sorry ut i dont want your damn cookies…i have enough problems!
    The raffle…eh…just buy a couple…you can try to say that you have no cash and dodge them…but you know as well as i do..they’ll be back…

    However, shortly after buying them, make your secretary do a really annoyingly long, boring task…it will make you feel better.

  5. Anonymous

    October 22, 2008 at 6:19 am

    “Raffle tickets?  Sure, what the heck, gimme a dozen.  By the way, I work for a local non-profit that’s having a charity dinner next month.  Tickets are $250 if you’re interested.”

  6. Anonymous

    October 22, 2008 at 9:44 am

    I’d guess I would buy the raffle tickets if I had a good relationship with my secretary.  Otherwise, I’d tell her that I am not a gambler, and a religous kook.


    October 22, 2008 at 11:08 am

    A few dollars here and there on raffle tickets is better than having those disgruntled support staffers hating and resenting you all year long…

    You never know, you even might win more than peace with your staff. I’ve actually won some cool stuff before.

  8. Anonymous

    October 22, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Well golly-gee.  Cool stuff, you say?  More tix please!

  9. orrminn

    October 23, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    check out raffleindex.com

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