I May Not Invite Partners to My Wedding

Could you please let me know whether I would be committing career suicide if I didn’t invite any of the partners I work for to my wedding?  Alternatively, if I do invite the partners that I have the most dealings with, would I be offending the other uninvited partners?  I haven’t been working here for very long, but I do hope to stay at least until the credit crunch is over…

Don’t invite any of them.  It’s your wedding.  Have fun and don’t worry about the partners.  Truth is, you’re doing them a favor.  Despite your understandable wedding myopia/self-absorption, they don’t want to go to your damn wedding.  Trust me.  Inviting them might actually increase your odds of getting prematurely laid off.

Good luck—and don’t forget to sign a prenup.

Got a question for Ex-Bitter?  Email it to .

Join Bitter Lawyer on Facebook.  Follow on Twitter.

Ex-Bitter is a former big firm lawyer who now doles out advice to anyone who asks. Got a question? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com. Or read more Advice from an Ex-Bitter.

16 Comments

  1. Bill Dugan

    March 31, 2009 at 3:38 am

    Good advice.  Keep the partners away and even more important make sure to get a good prenuputal agreement prepared by a lawyer and have it signed.  Take it from me.  Smartest move I ever made.  Even the sweetest hottest babe (at age 20) can, by age 35, turn into the worst of shrews, even if she hasn’t popped out a kid or 2.  I married early (age 24), but within 2 years, what was a loving and devoted partner turned into a lazy housefrau that did little beyond become an Oprah expert and dialing for takeout food.  She told me before we married that she wanted kids, but never even got pregnant, and never wanted to find out why.  I don’t think it was me shooting blanks, either.  So after 10 years of “wedded bliss,” I decided to call it quits and that’s when the REAL claws came out.  Thank goodness for the pre-nup.  As it was, I got a fairldeal, (and now the bitch is working) but believe me, the woman transformed from a babe to a bitch.  I recommend you get a good prenup so you won’t wind up holding the shit end of the stick.

  2. Anonymous

    March 31, 2009 at 4:58 am

    I agree with Duggan.

  3. BL1Y

    March 31, 2009 at 5:36 am

    An invite to a partner is going to look disingenuous and he will think you’re just fishing for gifts.  Unless there is a partner you’d go have lunch or after work drinks with, don’t invite them.  Same goes with associates you’re not that close to.

  4. c_broski

    March 31, 2009 at 6:18 am

    are you kidding? who doesn’ t love weddings? the thrilling religious service, the unpredictable readings from corinthians, killing time between the ceremony and reception by looking for a wendy’s so you can avoid the delicious mass-produced meat-like substance that’s served for dinner, the inspired dj who plays songs like the electric slide and dancing queen without irony, the aunt who gets plastered and keeps stumbling in her heels.  yeah, those partners are gonna be FURIOUS if you don’t invite them to your wedding.

  5. Rick

    March 31, 2009 at 7:01 am

    C_Broski:  Good post, dude.  Funny stuff.

  6. JD12

    March 31, 2009 at 7:07 am

    Good Advice. Smarter to not invite everyone from work keep it small.

  7. Lawman

    March 31, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Agree. Did not invite any partners to my wedding.

  8. Information

    March 31, 2009 at 9:20 am

    This may vary depending on the culture of the firm – I don’t know what it would be like with a medium to large size firm, but at my small firm (where I’ve done a substantial amount of work for all of the partners at some point) the norm may be to invite them all.

  9. Anonymous

    March 31, 2009 at 10:04 am

    I’d invite Dugan and BL1Y to the wedding.  They could maybe get a date with the maid of honor and one of the bridesmaids looking for real men..

  10. BL1Y

    March 31, 2009 at 10:13 am

    @11:04: No thanks.  (See my comment below about fishing for gifts.)

  11. Anonymous

    March 31, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Pre-nup is a must.

  12. Anonymous

    March 31, 2009 at 11:46 am

    NEVER invite the partners. I invited my managing partner to my wedding and he wound up hitting on my aunt.  It didn’t work out nicely for him or me.

  13. TBone

    March 31, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Ex Bitter is right.  Partners don’t want to be there, and if they go, they’re just a nuisance.

  14. Jonny

    April 1, 2009 at 10:22 am

    True inviting partners just leaves room for things like them hitting on your Aunt and then everyone feels awkward!

  15. LPartner

    April 6, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    Agree. I am a partner and I got invited to a wedding. I would certainly prefer to have not been invited because now I have to go.

  16. XBigLaw

    April 13, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Not only don’t invite the partners.  Keep the wedding to immediate family and close friends, 50 to 75 people.  Better yet, do a destination wedding.  Save your wedding money and buy something useful, like a BMW.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>