I Still Live with My Mom


QI work for a small firm (15-20 attorneys) in a big city on the West coast. I also went to law school in the same city and, to save money, lived with my parents while going to school. It paid off, as I now have half the debt of most grads and was able to weather joblessness during a particularly rough ninth month period after taking the bar.

The thing is, I still live with my mom (and my stepdad) even though I’ve been employed at my law firm for about four years now. I help around the house and pay nominal “rent” but otherwise use most of my salary to pay down my law school loans. Because she lives in a pretty tony area of town, when I tell people where I live people probably think I either a) make crazy money or b) married someone rich. It’s neither, and you’ll have to press me to admit I still live at home.

I’m 32. I want to keep paying down my law school loans and have them paid off within three years. Yet it’s getting hard for me at the firm (or elsewhere) to keep up the pretense of living independently. Occasionally, some of the other associates have people over at their places, making me think I should reciprocate. Basically, should I move out or stick it out? And what should I tell people?

ADude. People don’t think that you make crazy money. They don’t think you hooked up with a rich wife. People think you live with your mom. Own up to it. Hell, have your associate colleagues over as a coming out.

When lawyers are living with their moms then maybe living with mom into your thirties is the new normal, the Italian way to do things stateside. Or Indian. And who can blame you? It’s a cold harsh world out there and you’ve managed to do two of the three required adult tasks 1) get a job; and 2) buy a car (I’m assuming you at least own a car). But it’s time to go, at least soon. Seriously. You’re a lawyer. Not some freelance web designer or meat waiter at Fogo de Chao.

Then again, maybe all you do is work as a lawyer and eat meatloaf occasionally with mom. Maybe mom doesn’t crimp dating, partying, and playing Skyrim on the XBox. Maybe you don’t mind the jokes because, in the end, you’ve got a big financial leg up when you move out. Just don’t tell me you also party with mom. Or she makes your bed. Or that she still picks out your clothes each morning. Don’t tell me that. But at least own up to living with mom and go from there.

Post image from Shutterstock.com

Ex-Bitter is a former big firm lawyer who now doles out advice to anyone who asks. Got a question? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com. Or read more Advice from an Ex-Bitter.

6 Comments

  1. Tara Bryan

    April 6, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Stay where you are! Don’t move. My sister payed off her graduate school loans in 2.5 years by staying and living at home. She gets along famously with my parents so it was no big deal. In fact she is still there. She travels the world with all the money she has. She has no bills and is happy. Stay and pay them off. You can always use the excuse that your mom/dad need you at home due to illness, travel, etc. And who gives a flying crap what others think. You can host a get together at a local tavern, etc. order a round of drinks and appetizers.

    Pay off your loans. I’m going to be old next month, and I’m barely keeping up with my loans. I’ve been paying them for over 10 yrs. YUCK.

  2. BL1Y

    April 6, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Who the hell plays Skyrim on the XBox? Do you not have a PC, or are you just retarded?

  3. Guano Dubango

    April 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

    This dude is not doing things half badly. My only reservation for him is in the social arena. How is he to be able to secure a woman if he lives home with mom and dad? I would not be able to be who I am if I were to live with my Aunt Ooona. She would over scrutinize every woman I was seeing, and, needless to say, I could not bring a woman home for the evening. That is this guy’s problem. While women want a guy with money, they also want to be able to say that they got very drunk at a guy’s house, and ……. the next morning, they woke up with nothing on but a smile.

  4. Mario Sandoval

    April 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    have to ba able to save enough to pay off those crazy loans!! right? eh? yeah!

  5. southern bitter

    April 11, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    i say who cares…as long as you’re not looking for a legitimate girlfriend.

  6. Rageaholic

    May 11, 2013 at 6:49 am

    Lived at home when I was 28 prior to convincing the boss man to cough up a raise large enough for me to support myself. That was one hell of a summer. Didn’t have to cook anything, paid off my car and dated 21 year old townie girls with tattoos. I would just bring them down to the beach (usually after they got out of work hosting or waitressing) if I ever wanted to get some action, but I eventually got lazy and just turned the fan on at home. Needless to say, Mom wasn’t a big fan of any of them (and I don’t think I was that much either) and I didn’t meet my bride when I was still sleeping in the twin bed I grew up in and watching Dancing with the Stars with Mom. When I moved out, though, I had a huge chunk of cash and way less debt. No shame in what you are doing. Own it. Live it. Enjoy it. You have to move out eventually though and grow up, because no classy babe is going to want to date you while living with mommy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>