I’m a second-year associate at a conservative Chicago firm. Thing is, I haven’t told any of my colleagues yet that I’m gay. Yes, I’m in the closet. At my firm anyway. I always thought I’d magically find the perfect moment to announce my sexual orientation, but it just hasn’t presented itself. It’s not like I run around pretending that I’m George Clooney and screwing hot bimbos left and right. I just sort of avoid the topic altogether. I’ve been at the firm now for over a year, and I’m tired of the deliberate ambiguity. Is there some sort of “coming out” protocol that could help me? Do you have any thoughts on the best way to let my colleagues know the truth?
As for your first question… No, I don’t think there’s a “coming out” protocol. Like any personal or private issue, it’s up to the individual as to how—or whether—to disclose the information.
“Coming out” is, no doubt, an emotional decision. There are probably a million ways to do it, but my best advice is to “announce” your sexual orientation as informally and matter-of-factly as possible. Break the news to your closest friends first (I’ll bet you a steak dinner they already know), and let them disseminate the news organically from there. There’s no need for some sort of formal email or pronouncement. Truth is, most people don’t really care. To you, your gayness is the elephant in the room. To everyone else, it’s irrelevant. Lawyers are way too busy writing briefs, closing deals and kissing clients’ asses to worry about whether a second-year associate prefers men to women.
Years ago, one Friday afternoon, my law firm friend, whom I’d always assumed was gay, told me that he was going away for the weekend. I clearly sensed that he was looking to “come out” to me.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Palm Springs,” he said.
“With who?”
“A friend. Paul.”
We shared a brief look. “You trying to tell me you’re gay?” I asked.
“Yes.”
And that was that. We didn’t talk about it for another second.
What I’m saying is: It’s 2009, my gay brother. Tell your firm-friends the truth. They won’t blink, and you’ll feel better. Good luck.
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I’m a second-year associate at a conservative Chicago firm. Thing is, I haven’t told any of my colleagues yet that I’m gay. Yes, I’m in the closet. At my firm anyway. I always thought I’d magically find the perfect moment to announce my sexual orientation, but it just hasn’t presented itself. It’s not like I run around pretending that I’m George Clooney and screwing hot bimbos left and right. I just sort of avoid the topic altogether. I’ve been at the firm now for over a year, and I’m tired of the deliberate ambiguity. Is there some sort of “coming out” protocol that could help me? Do you have any thoughts on the best way to let my colleagues know the truth?
