I Was Hit on by a Gay Partner

I went out for drinks last week with a partner I work with a lot.  He’s gay, I’m not.  We both got pretty drunk, and he sort of hit on me. I think.  Nothing too blatant, but he was definitely a little flirty.  Asked if I’d ever been with a man, I said no.  He then asked if I’d ever thought about it.  I said no.  Anyway, my point is, it got a little weird.  And I’m not homophobic.  We work together a lot—and I like this guy—but I’m not into the whole “gay exploration” thing.  I think he was probably just drunk.  Should I say something to him?  Tell him he crossed the line?  Make a joke about what happened?  He seems a little awkward around me lately.

I’d let it go.  If it happens again, have a talk.  If not, move on.  No need to turn an awkward, drunken moment into an even more awkward, sober moment.  If he’s a good guy, he’ll appreciate your coolness.

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Ex-Bitter is a former big firm lawyer who now doles out advice to anyone who asks. Got a question? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com. Or read more Advice from an Ex-Bitter.


  1. Anonymous

    November 5, 2008 at 8:06 am

    i think there is no way he was hitting on you. Maybe you read into it too much?

  2. anon

    November 5, 2008 at 8:38 am


  3. Al Dickman

    November 5, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Give the guy a butt plug and tell him to go for it.  If he did this with the ladies, he is bisexual.

  4. Anonymous

    November 5, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    You should be OK (at work).  Just don’t fall for the “old pencil trick” where he drops his pencil in front of a chair and you bend-over to pick it up for him.  It works every time (even with women), so watch out!

  5. JoeInLA

    November 11, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    I would definitely NOT tell him he crossed the line, especially since you only “think” he may have been hitting on you—consider how embarrassed you would be to discover you misread his comments and he had no intention of making a pass at you.  My advice—forget the whole thing and maintain a friendly, professional demeanor toward him.  Chances are his awkwardness stems from him picking up on your ambivalent feelings toward him.

  6. open

    November 25, 2008 at 9:28 am

    Try the “other side.” Go with it.  He’ll owe you.  Big time..

  7. MrPerson

    February 5, 2009 at 4:19 am

    He was either not hitting on your or he was either way you follow his lead. This is really a win win.
    If he is not hitting on you do nothing. You don’t have to have sex with a gay man.
    If he was hitting on you, you should bar up and take it like a man. Women do it all the time I can’t see why it should be all that bad. You work in a law firm so you’re basically a whore anyway.

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