I Watched an Associate Hit On My Girlfriend

I’m a summer associate at a major west coast firm.  I went to our first firm barbecue the other day with my girlfriend, and this Senior Associate, who thinks he’s a cool-guy player, was blatantly flirting with her.  I’m pretty sure he asked for her phone number, but my girlfriend says he didn’t. 

I should obviously say something to him, right?  I definitely want to get an offer, but I think it’s wrong for someone to try to pick up a colleague’s girlfriend.  It’s insane.  What should I do?

Nothing.  Just leave it alone. When you date cute women, other men, whether or not they’re lawyers, will flirt with them.  Fact.  It’s up to your girlfriend to not flirt back.  If she did, she’s just as lame as he is, if not lamer.  Either way, however, you should keep your mouth shut.

Your masculine, chivalrous instincts are telling you—begging you—to stand up for your girlfriend and tell this ass clown, Clooney wannabe what a loser he is! I get it.  But don’t do it.  The upside is negligible, and the downside is pretty significant. 

This is about you, not him.  More specifically, this is about you getting an offer.  So ignore his barbecue lameness and move on—unless, of course, this JD Jackass said or did something insulting.  If he crossed “the line,” whether verbally or physically, that’s a different story.  But based on your email, it doesn’t sound that way.  Asking for a phone number after a few afternoon margaritas is pretty tame in my book. 

PS: Next time, don’t bring your hot girlfriend to a firm event. 

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Ex-Bitter is a former big firm lawyer who now doles out advice to anyone who asks. Got a question? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com. Or read more Advice from an Ex-Bitter.

23 Comments

  1. Alma Federer

    June 23, 2009 at 3:27 am

    When I was a summer associate at a big law firm back in the day, I regularly got attention from many of the partners, but they were looking for a “shorter-term” relationship that I was interested in.  The associates stayed away from me because they did not want to do anything to antagonize the partners.  Well, I got an offer from the firm.  On consultation with my father, he advised me not to work there because I would be a source of friction between the partners as well as the associates, who would be in competition with me.  So instead, I took a job with the federal government where I am now still after all of these years.  There is no partner/associate drivel, and even though my boss is single, he does not hit on me.

  2. BL1Y

    June 23, 2009 at 4:06 am

    Alma is delusional.  Most partners have so low of sex drives that when they hire prostitutes they pay the extra amount to make sure the reservation is fully refundable.  I doubt anyone flirted with her, and she’s certainly not attractive enough to cause a war between the partners and associates, especially not with her attitude.  She probably just mistook politeness for flirtation.  Hey, Alma, when the men you work with are avoiding you, they’re not trying to be aloof or play hard to get, they just don’t want to be around you.

  3. BigLaw

    June 23, 2009 at 5:18 am

    Lmfao. BL1Y kills me everytime.

  4. IPOrainmaker

    June 23, 2009 at 5:50 am

    does BL1Y write Alma’s posts to give himself easy lay-ups? or is Alma really just as elementary, naive, and innocent as her posts make her out to be?

  5. Anon Female

    June 23, 2009 at 7:17 am

    that’s a very hard predicament. if you are sure he was picking up on your girlfriend you have to say something!! but then you do rule out getting an offer.

  6. Anon

    June 23, 2009 at 8:07 am

    Good advice.  Leave it alone, dude.  So he hit on her.  Take it as a compliment.

  7. Jonnie

    June 23, 2009 at 8:33 am

    advice is right on. don’t take your (hot) girlfriend to work events.

  8. Senior Associate Dog

    June 23, 2009 at 8:44 am

    I agree with advice.  Don’t bring hot chicks to summer functions.  Years back, I hit on some summer dork’s girlfriend and ended up “dating” her for a month or so.  Sadly, it’s the only thing we BigLaw grunts look forward to: cute summer associates and/or the cute girlfriends of summer associates.

  9. BL1Y

    June 23, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    IPOrainmaker: Not me, but I think someone else writes some of them and it’s probably the same person who does the fake BL1Y crap.  Most of Alma’s posts sound sincere, but a few are a little too far out there to be believable.

  10. DantheMan

    June 23, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    good advice frat dude. you are on the money.

  11. Lawyer Bob

    June 23, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    @ ThatFratGuy,
    Funny. Sort of. But that’s terrible advice. Why not just draw the a-hole associate a map to your Achilles Heal?

  12. Alma Federer

    June 23, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    You boys are all so silly.  And BL1Y is probabley some pudgey 24 year old right out of law school.  Yes I am probabley considered over the hill by you boys, being out of school now for 8 years, but I am considered very pretty by many MEN.  I have all the attention I need without having to ask you for attention.  Men like me for my MIND, though I also have a great figure.

  13. BL1Y

    June 23, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    Alma: I’m considered handsome by many women, just as you’re considered pretty by many men, but that’s more a testament to the massive population of our planet than to either of our attractivenesses.  Face it, the best either of us can hope for is par.  At least some people find me amusing.  Who the likes you?

  14. A Man Who Knows

    June 24, 2009 at 6:36 am

    Don’t get too carried away, BL1Y. People just dislike you less than Alma, and that’s not saying much.

  15. Hannah Palindrome

    June 25, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    I agree with the P.S. Never bring your HOT girlfriend.
    Don’t FU your career.

    You guys will break up. LOL

  16. Hannah Palindrome

    June 25, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    Am I pretty? Am I smart? Do I have a nice personality?

    Maybe…I’m just good in bed.
    OMG! Men are using me for SEX!!!

    Maybe I’m using them?

    Things to think about at 1am.

  17. Joe

    June 26, 2009 at 8:06 am

    Ignore it.  Lawyers are often “sharks” and this pervades many aspects of their lives.  But, now you know the kind of person the senior associate is.  You now have the upper hand because you have insight and he is none the wiser.  Play your position young grasshopper. Perhaps one day, you will be able to exact your revenge, or at least give him a piece of your mind once you’ve accepted an offer elsewhere.

  18. Never Bitter

    June 26, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Be polite to this associate and tell others how nice it was that he was attentive and not distant at the party. Do not do anything small-minded, like writing his name and the firm’s # in a bus station stall offering free beer or advice; mailing sexual aides to the firm in his name, sending flowers paid for in cash from some out of the way shop to one of the women summer associates in his name with a “let’s get together” card, or sending a cashier’s check in his name to come local anti-business organization that will pester him at work for more donations with highly annoying brochures touting communism or vegan revolution etc.  Those would be as childish as what he did, Be a man about it and get on with life.

  19. Grammar police

    June 29, 2009 at 9:17 am

    Can’t you change the title to “An Associate Hit On My Girlfriend”?  The “I Had” makes it sound like he set it up for the associate to hit on his girlfriend, presumably to see if she’d cheat on him or something.

  20. Anon

    June 29, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Grammar Police—Please watch “Typo” immediately.

  21. Ponce De Leon

    July 2, 2009 at 5:12 am

    Why the leap of faith to conclude the girlfriend is hot?

  22. Anon

    July 5, 2009 at 7:32 am

    Ponce—good point.  The odds of a summer associate with a hot girlfriend are remote. Then again, there’s “law firm hot.” A real world 5, law firm 7 kind of thing.  My guess is, that’s what we’re talking about here.

  23. meat

    October 15, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Idiot, who would write this bullshit question. “some one looked at my girffriend and i want a job at there firm… signed, What Should I Do”.
    Be a man, go fuck him up you sissy. Dont let some fat-ass assiociate talk to ‘your’ girl. That shit is like property. You own her and that fuckin queen tried to steal her from you. Do something about other than talking about your feelings. fuckin wimp.

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