I’m Working With a Gay Associate


QI’m working with a gay first-year who I think is flirting with me. I’m a straight fifth-year, and I don’t want to say anything to offend him and have him run to human resources and make a big deal out of this. But he’s getting a little out of line. Honest.

AYou’re over-thinking this. Just chill out and let the gay dude flirt. Who cares? Just don’t respond. Ignore him. Turn away. Tell him he’s annoying. No need for speeches or long talks. When he knows you’re 100% uninterested—or truly bored—he’ll back off. Problem is: It sounds like this guy thinks you might be a little bit intrigued? Maybe 3%?  Are you?

Ex-Bitter is a former big firm lawyer who now doles out advice to anyone who asks. Got a question? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com. Or read more Advice from an Ex-Bitter.

8 Comments

  1. BSD

    September 18, 2008 at 5:21 am

    Better think long and hard about involving HR. Unless you have witnesses or evidence to back up your “concerns”, the PC Police will probably turn their searchlights on you.

  2. Anonymous

    September 18, 2008 at 7:05 am

    Stay away from the guy.  He probably got some sort of signal you were a homo; whether true or not, you don’t want to lead him on.  Make sure not to head into the crapper if you know he’s in there.  A lot of toe-tappin’ goin’ on in the stalls could do you in, particularly if the senior partners get wind you may be fruity.  This is a particularly sensitive time for you if you have any partnership aspirations.  Unless you work at a gay-friendly firm, make sure to steer clear of this gay guy, or you will regret it.  If you have a girl friend, put her picture on your desk.  If you don’t, get a picture of a good looking girl, and put it on your desk.  You can’t afford to be done in by a homo, at this point in your career.

  3. EX-ASSOCIATE

    September 18, 2008 at 7:45 am

    Relax. He is probably either interested in you or just messing with you. If he’s intrerested, be flattered and nicely find a way to tell him to back off. If he’s just messing with you, you probably need to loosen up a bit. Either way, it’s not a life threatening situation. The overall picture is that you have to play the game at work to win over co-workers, including the ones that putt from the rough…

  4. Big Homosexual

    September 18, 2008 at 9:48 am

    I think you’re reading into it.
    Straight men always think gay men want their jock when that certainly isn’t the case. I know you want to think you’re hot and a great catch (you’re a super successful 5th year) but really, you’re not. As a rule of thumb, gay men try to be nice. You’re misconstruing his way of talking to you (he probably treats you like a gay man) and you’re naturally uncomfortable with it (because you’re obviously homophobic). More likely than not, he finds you physically repulsive. That’s how I feel about my coworkers, anyway.

  5. JC

    September 18, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    You’re a total queer.  Fucking run with it.

  6. Bboy

    September 18, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    You’re a clueless prick.

  7. Opinion

    September 19, 2008 at 11:04 am

    My opinion is you’re either lying to see what people will say, or you’re a bigot.

  8. Alma Federer

    September 21, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    If you really want to find out if youre gay, you can always bend over and give the guy a shot.  Otherwise, just keep from leading him on.

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