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Nine Summer Associate Don’ts

by Mister Bitter
05:28 AM, 05/05

[Ed. Note: You can smell it in the air.  Lucky handfuls of law students blooming with arrogance, ready to assume the task of taking part in the longstanding, indulgent, expensive ritual of law firm summer associate programs.  One of our most popular posts last year that’s choked full of timeless advice, we thought it’d be a good time to re-post the best ways for clerks to NOT eff up the cushiest few months of their lives.]

It’s that time of the year again—flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and law students are getting ready for their coveted Summer Associate positions.  As you might imagine, things will be a little different this year.  Lunches will be far less extravagant, and full-time offers will be far more difficult to procure. 

So, in an effort to help aspiring legal eagles pass their first real legal test, Bitter Lawyer has compiled this definitive list of Summer Associate don’ts.  Based on years of experience and countless firsthand accounts of embarrassing summer associate behavior, read it closely and do—err, don’t do—the following.

1.  DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE
Sounds obvious, I know, but way too many top-shelf law students are so painfully annoying that it needs to be stated as the #1 “don’t.” Remember: You’re not the first Editor-in-Chief, JD/MBA candidate, ex-doctor or soon-to-be Harvard grad to get a job there.  You’re just another douchebag with good grades from a good school.  You’re there to impress them—they’re not there to impress you.  No matter how smart you are, or think you are, you don’t know a damn thing about practicing law.  So, for the sake of your own career, don’t pretend that you do. 
________________________________

2.  DON’T SLEEP WITH ASSOCIATES OR PARTNERS
It’s tempting.  No doubt.  But in the history of the world, a Summer shagging a full-time employee has never inured to the benefit of the Summer.  And please, don’t fool yourself into believing that no one will find out.  Trust me, they’ll think you’re screwing before you’re even kissing.  There are way too many bored, sexless nerds watching every interaction, every laugh, every smile.  Since there’s not that much to gossip about as a lawyer, Summer sex stories get top billing.  There are lots of hot dudes and chicks running around New York, Chicago and LA—screw them instead!  As for dating fellow Summer Associates, it’s not advisable, but if handled deftly, it won’t be a problem.  Just keep the PDA to a minimum. 
________________________________

3.  DON’T GET WASTED AT A FIRM-SANCTIONED EVENT
Despite the economic downturn, liquor will be flowing, but that doesn’t mean you need to get drunk.  A mild buzz is preferable.  In my experience, 75% of all Summer Associate cautionary tales are booze-related.  Examples include:  Dirty dancing with a senior partner’s wife; shadow boxing with a humorless M&A icon; and pathetically trying to organize a strip poker competition during a TexMex barbeque.  It’s okay to have fun, but do yourself a favor and take a pass on the third Kamikaze shot.
________________________________

4.  DON’T WORK “WEIRD” HOURS
For the most part, show up at 9:00 AM and leave at 7:00 PM.  Don’t try to be the eccentric genius who gets to work at noon and leaves at midnight.  No one will be impressed.  In fact, people will begin to question whether or not you “fit in” and are capable of managing your time efficiently. 
________________________________

5.  DON’T BE THE SUMMER SOCIALITE
Being cool isn’t an important part of being a lawyer.  In fact, it’s actually a negative.  Partners want grinders, workers, law geeks.  So don’t attempt to re-create yourself this summer as some sort of young Johnny Depp.  Earrings, bracelets and ponytails work better on actors and musicians than aspiring litigation associates. Don’t dress too hip or too sexy either.  Err on the side of being appropriate, not fabulous.  In case of a tie, always go with the more boring alternative.  No one has ever been dinged for being a modest dresser. 
________________________________

6.  DON’T COMPROMISE WORK FOR SOCIAL EVENTS
Socializing is an important part of the summer curriculum, but it’s not that important.  The business of law is all about churning out legal documents and meeting deadlines.  Your job this summer is to prove that you can do that.  So make work your number one priority.  Singing 80’s karaoke is fun, but it’s not important—and it’s never an acceptable excuse.  “Sorry, I was too busy singing ABBA songs last night” will never be a sufficient reason for not finishing a research memo.  Having said that, don’t be the loser, self-important summer clerk who’s always “too busy” to go out either. 
________________________________

7.  DON’T TURN DOWN WORK
No matter what, never say, “I can’t do this, I’m too busy.” If you actually are too busy and really can’t do the work, simply say, “I’m currently working with Partner X on Project Y, and I have a deadline of Z.” Or something like that.  Let the person assigning the work tell you that you’re too busy.  What I’m saying is, there’s a way of saying no without actually saying “no.” Similarly, don’t ever turn down work from a less-desirable department.  For example, if you’re dying to be a Corporate Associate and a Healthcare Litigation Partner asks for help, say “Yes!” No qualifiers, no prefaces, no speeches about the Securities Exchange Act of 1934.  Save your professional demands and practice area conditions until after you get the offer.
________________________________

8.  DON’T BRING A GAL PAL OR WINGMAN TO A FIRM EVENT
It’s just lame.  And remember, “plus one” means “significant other.” It doesn’t mean the hot, drunk chick with the Egyptian ankh tattoo you met last night. 
________________________________

9.  DON’T USE “PERSONAL ISSUES” AS AN EXCUSE FOR SUCKING AT YOUR JOB
The lawyers you’re working for have heard it all before.  Trust me.  “I just broke up with my boyfriend.” “My mother’s ill.” “I have depression issues.” Even if it’s true, just shut up about it.  Life is hard.  We know.  But that doesn’t mean you need to bring your baggage to work—especially as a goddamn Summer Associate.  You’re only there for 10 weeks.  Just shut up, do your work and leave your personal problems at home. 
________________________________

Bottom line:  Do everything in your power to make sure you get an offer.  No matter what.  Even if you hate the firm.  Even if you don’t want to work there when you graduate.  Just get the damn offer!  Because if you don’t, your third year will be hell.

Unfortunately, the first question every prospective employer asks a 3L relates to his or her preceding Summer Associate job.  More specifically:  Did you get an offer?  If the answer is “no,” you’re in trouble.  Because it doesn’t sound great.  In an ultra-competitive marketplace, you don’t need to be the small minority who got dinged. So follow the rules, work your ass off and get the offer! 

Check out other lists, tallies and scores to settle in Bitter by Numbers.
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  1.  
    Bill Dugan | May 05 | 07:10 AM Yea, I think this is well written. I second the motion that there should not be any sleeping with the staff. Wait till you get the offer, and start work. Then all bets are off. It reminds me of an old poem: She offered her honor; and he honored her offer. And all that night he was on her and off her. (The male summer associate waited until he got the offer before performing this act of charity).
  2.  
    BL1Y | May 05 | 08:21 AM My firm has about a 30% increase in SAs because too many people accepted. We usually give 90-100% offers, but I'm guessing this spike will make us ding a few people, even if they did alright. If you're an SA this year, look at how many people your firm has had in the past, and if this year's numbers are way off, haul ass extra hard.
  3.  
    Law Student22 | May 05 | 08:34 AM thanks for the advice. need what I can get.
  4.  
    DantheMan | May 05 | 08:47 AM Awesome this is right on. I made a few of those mistakes in my day.
  5.  
    BigLaw Partner | May 05 | 09:27 AM This is good advice. Like the writer of this article, I've seen lots of smart law students make asses of themselves and ruin their chance at getting an offer.
  6.  
    daman | May 05 | 09:48 AM i took a huge dump in my partners office as a joke once. i was a summer associate. it was hilarious and he thought it was too. i didnt get an offer though
  7.  
    Alma Federer | May 05 | 09:58 AM You men disgust me. The article makes some good points, and you guys are crapping on the floor of a pratner's office? Are you for real? And how charitable Dugan is to recommend waiting before sleeping with the female partner? Will lawyers follow such sage advice? I think NOT.
  8.  
    Jonnie | May 05 | 10:39 AM good advice - do what you can to get an offer and work hard.
  9.  
    Anonymous | May 05 | 10:44 AM @ Daman, They say that's a sign of aggression.
  10.  
    Anon Female | May 05 | 10:47 AM This article has some really good tips. This would have been good to read for some of my friends when they were summers since some did make a couple of these mistakes.
  11.  
    haha | May 05 | 10:58 AM Daman- that's an auto-offer at our firm.
  12.  
    Anonymous | May 05 | 11:14 AM Although not listed, I think summer associates should be permitted to "date" (a.k.a. screw) other summer associates. Otherwise they will get very frustrated if they are the only ones not getting any.
  13.  
    Ace in the Hole | May 05 | 06:14 PM A couple of people I know dated when they were both summers at Skadden. The people at the firm were none too pleased.
  14.  
    CTLee | May 07 | 12:48 PM I would say 8 to 6 more than 9 to 7. Rolling in at 9 in the morning? Who do you think you are, an assembly-line union schmo?
  15.  
    NY Snob | May 07 | 01:54 PM 9 is the right time. Things start a little later in the big city.
  16.  
    daman | May 08 | 12:11 PM @ alma federer, What is a pratner?
  17.  
    BL1Y | May 11 | 05:50 AM Our official start time is 9:30. Most people show up between 10:00 and 10:30, but summers should come in right at 9:30 anyways.
  18.  
    Lady lawyer | May 11 | 09:05 AM Keep you pants zipped and your skirts down. It's a jungle out there and it's time to use your lion skills.
  19.  
    Whacky | May 11 | 11:51 PM Even better advice - re consider why on earth you would EVER want to work in such a draconian, boring and socially disfunctional environment like a law Firm! ..grow some balls and go corporate or get out!
  20.  
    Billy B | May 12 | 07:28 AM Whacky: "Grow some balls and go corporate?" Isn't that a contradiction? Since when is going corporate a ballsy move?
  21.  
    Skeptical SA | May 19 | 07:35 PM How seriously should I take the advice about conservative dress? Really, no earrings? Should I only wear blacks and grays this summer? Only skirt suits? (That was another piece of antiquated advice I received 1L year.) I understand that BigLaw = conservative, but this seems a little ridiculous.
  22.  
    Correction | November 01 | 07:51 PM WRONG about the dressing part. At least for biglaw interviews and at least ITE, a cool person with lower credentials got the job over a "modest dresser" with higher credentials. Being social and outgoing is important, especially if you are in litigation. DUH.
  23.  
    BL1Y | May 28 | 06:33 AM Working odd hours also means not coming into the office early. I doubt anyone will think you're eccentric for getting there at 7am when you know you've got a lot of work to get done. But, that's because know one will see you there at 7am. As far as your coworkers and bosses are concerned, if they didn't see you, you weren't there. If you work 7am-6pm, you're a slacker. If you work 10am-9pm you're a trooper. Don't think that your hard work and dedication will shine through on your time sheets. If they didn't see you there in the evenings or at night, they won't think you came in early. They'll think you're padding your hours. Sure, everyone pads their hours, but you're going to look like the guy who gets sloppy with it.
  24.  
    Anonymous | May 29 | 03:24 PM I saw the Tucker Max movie, and now I am confused. Aren't the women summer associates supposed to be available for sex?
  25.  
    Georgia | June 07 | 10:22 AM I think this article perfectly targets some general (and well-recommended) rules of thumb for summer associates; however, I think it is too targeted at big firm associates. There are only so many $150k job offers going around (especially in the South!) Sorry to burst your bubble, 2L's, but even getting on law review editorial board with top 10 credentials will not guarantee you a six figure job offer. (See rules above). I worked my ass off at a summer position and landed a job with my mid-sized firm in Atlanta, and the vast majority of my classmates had a similar fate. Let's face it, you can work a mid-size, small or solo firm and get your feet wet early on, or you can spend 10 hours a day in your office doing research just so you can brag about your big starting salary? Law students, my advice is to spread your resume far outside the big dogs who recruit on campus and look for firms who are willing to mentor you. These firms care about the quality of your work and turning you into a valuable asset, not what position you held on moot court board or the fact that you are one spot higher in the rankings above your colleague. Mid-size/smaller firms could care less (in my experience) if you got a summer offer as a cog in a law factory, they just care about whether you can do the job and whether you're too much of a law dork to fit in with their team. (We definitely make fun of the other associates who keep weird hours. No one should be done with work at 4:30. Even my paralegal doesn't leave that early.) For those of you who have to have that big job, I hope you have some time to fill between graduation day and January 1st, because that's how long you'll be deferred.
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