It’s A-Me Mario!

Police say a man dressed as Mario, from the beloved video game franchise, has been arrested for groping a woman in Times Square. Police arrested Damon Torres, 34, with forcible touching after he blocked a 58-year-old woman’s path and grabbed her thigh before walking away. When arrested at the famous tourist spot, police also found marijuana on his person, for which he was also charged.

Mario. So disappointing. Joining the ranks of Taran Noah Smith, Dustin Diamond, and Lindsay Lohan as 80’s stars who have hit rock bottom. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He was the biggest video game star of his generation. Two Italian guys living the dream way before the Jersey Shore. The Original Super Smush Brothers. But it all adds up. Always having the stress of supporting his creepy brother Luigi. The old ball and chain, Princess Peach has probably turned to meth by now. Bowser undoubtedly got her hooked on it. No doubt in my mind Toadstool sold him the pot. Having played hours of Mario Kart it is pretty clear that he has been drinking and driving for a while now.  We should have kept an eye on Mario when he hit rock bottom and sold out for Paper Mario just to have some checks coming in. No wonder he is groping tourist in Times Square. Have you seen the commercials for the video game where you can play as a soldier from the American Revolution? Nobody wants to be a fat plumber anymore. Maybe somebody can call up Yoshi to help him resurrect his career. Otherwise it is going to be Game Over pretty soon.

Post image via Flickr.

Douglas Stephan is a solo attorney and owner of the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. He received his JD in 2010 from Ohio Northern University and BA from Ohio University. His practice is located outside of Dayton, Ohio. You can follow him on Twitter @stephanlaw.


  1. Evan

    December 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

    This doosh is in NYC and this is the freshest snatch he can come up with? Even a total wonk can get better pussy in the big apple!

  2. Ashley Casas

    December 26, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    As much as I love this video game from my child hood, I can say that the game was over for me a long time ago. But, nonetheless, it was good while it lasted. You will always be remembered, Mario.

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