A Layperson’s Interpretation of Legal Terms

Rule 26. Don’t put your elbows on the table.

Voir Dire. Generic term for fatty, gamey French food, often blamed for indigestion. Whoa, that voir dire did a number on my bowels.

eDiscovery. A children’s educational program used to teach the importance of vowels.

Plaintiff. A digital image file with no content.

Pretrial Appearance. Grooming efforts made just prior to entering a courtroom.

Request for Admission. A British idiom meaning “I’d like a ticket.”

Movant. Last person to use the restroom. We all knew that Uncle Jenks was the true movant that morning.

Unliquidated Claim. A draft beer that is ordered but not yet poured or tapped.

Motion to Strike. A fake bunt; also, a phrase commonly used in police reports. I observed the suspect make a motion to strike, then I shot him.

On the Record. Snide reference to a song that sucks but is otherwise part of an album; the 12th song on an album. Yeah, Lil Wayne’s “Romance” was on the record, that’s all I’m saying.

Felony Murder. Worse than misdemeanor murder; murder that likely involves jail time.

Bench Trial. A euphemism to indicate an athlete’s suspension, typically in baseball. Also known as “going A-Rod.”

Frivolous Lawsuit. A lawsuits that a lawyer files for fun and entertainment; see also, jolly lawsuit.

Civil Action. A romantic liaison on Downton Abbey.

Shutterstock image: Think Positive Concept

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