Legal Humor Roundup for September 27, 2011


Pull up a chair and we’ll initially sober you up with the net worth of the U.S. Supreme Court Justices. Sure, some justices are wealthy. But at least one has a negative net worth, with at least $15,000 in credit card debt on five credit cards. If that depresses you (or not), here’s some happy news: a patent application for making a snowman. Plus, how to stop a dumb robbery with just a few words, and they’re not “reality hits you hard, bro.” It’s happy hour law review for Tuesday, September 27, 2011.

1This isn’t necessarily legal humor, nor is it hot off the press, having been released earlier in the month. But it seems to have finally made it to some legal blogs. It’s the estimated net worth of the nine U.S. Supreme Court Justices. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer are at the top of the list, each with significant net worth in the multi-millions (the justices only have to report broad ranges). But the newest justice, Justice Sonia Sotomayor, reports a net worth between -$94,999 and a positive $49,999. She also lists liabilities, including owing “between $15,000 and $50,000 to her dentist, and as much as $15,000 a piece to four credit card companies: American Express, Discover Card, Mastercard and Visa.” | OpenSecretsBlog

2Lowering the Bar, ever the investigative one trolling for funny patents, finds the “no joke” patent application for how best to build a snowman, complete with the question “What if a really big snow man could be built utilizing the bare minimum of snow?” | Lowering the Bar

3It’s time we get the Tooth Fairy out of the schools. And Santa Claus. And some others. Hat tip to Legal Blog Watch and its Three Burning Questions, one of which related to a teacher under fire in Florida. The offense? Telling a student the tooth fairy is not real. Time to home school, folks. | Legal Blog Watch

4We knew dumb Florida criminals had to reappear here soon. Yesterday, a woman walked into a convenience store with a mask on and carrying a plastic machine gun. But when one of the stock boys in the back took a break and yelled “Palm Bay Police, get on the ground,” she complied. Robbery over. | FloridaToday.com

5Do this. Tomorrow, when a partner or fellow associate complains about getting a memorandum late in the day, respond with “reality hits you hard, bro” and see if they laugh. If you haven’t already seen this YouTube video gone viral, watch it and imagine having this guy on the witness stand. Or check out a remixed Songify version (ends with ad). | YouTube

(Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/melindashelton/2204449610)

The Bitter Bartender knows proper mixology and curates some of the best stories of law firm humor, abuse, and woe. Have a story or submission? Email us at info@bitterlawyer.com.

2 Comments

  1. Guano Dubango

    September 28, 2011 at 5:50 am

    I say we should have our own humour section.

    Here is a joke I heard from my co-worker yesterday:

    Q: What do the Mafia and a woman’s private parts have in common?
    A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep sh*t.

  2. Evil Lawyer

    September 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    No need. I just wait for Ellen or Alma to post.

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