Legal Humor Roundup for September 29, 2011


Today we report on one man’s attempt to get the police off his butt by calling 911 during his own high-speed chase. And Lowering the Bar continues its “Good Reason to Kill” series with another entry involving Yahtzee. Plus, advice for armed robbers, man indicted for repackaging a package enlarger, and the lack of any proof that Utah’s “Zion curtain” does anything except make bartenders like me feel oh-so-special. It’s the happy hour law review for Thursday, September 29, 2011.

1“Hello? Yes, 911? Yes, this is the guy that the police are currently chasing on a high-speed chase. I’ve just had a bad day and I’m not going to stop, OK. So, could you please tell the cops to stop chasing me? Thanks.” | KSL News Radio

2If you didn’t know already, Lowering the Bar has a series entitled “Good Reason to Kill,” with posts containing various ludicrous motivations for people killing other people. In the most recent submission, it’s Yahtzee, which surprisingly is not the only entry for Yahtzee in the series. | Lowering the Bar

3One man’s penis enlarger is another man’s indictment. According to the Associated Press, Illinois officials have indicted Gary Winner because he “purchased $26 penis enlargers from an adult website, repackaged them and shipped them to [diabetes] patients with information claiming the devices helped “bladder control, urinary flow and prostate comfort.” Winner then allegedly billed Medicaid an average of $284 for each item, claiming they were used to treat erectile dysfunction. | Chicago Sun Times

4Maybe it’s a case of what you cannot see cannot hurt you? We don’t know. Nor do most other folks, but that hasn’t stopped Utah lawmakers from enacting a law that requires bartenders to be hidden in back rooms or behind frosted partitions. The problem, though, is no one knows if the so-called “Zion curtains” is effective at anything other than being stupid. | Salt Lake Tribune

5Memo to would-be robbers: when selecting a bat or other appropriate weapon to use for an armed roberry, avoid pink. It just, well, stands out. Police in Nebraska arrested a man who attempted to rob a U-Shop store using a pink bat. Turns out there was another robbery earlier in the day involving a guy with, you guessed it, a pink bat. Police recovered the bat at the suspect’s home. | JournalStar.com

The Bitter Bartender knows proper mixology and curates some of the best stories of law firm humor, abuse, and woe. Have a story or submission? Email us at info@bitterlawyer.com.

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