Miley Cyrus Considering a Legal Career?

In what is perhaps a misguided attempt to restore respectability after her controversial performance at last weekend’s VMAs, Miley Cyrus is rumored to be considering shifting gears towards a legal career. Celebrity gossip mongers are torn between screaming “WTF?” and admitting this is probably a good strategy for the starlet, given the inevitability of sexual harassment lawsuits resulting from Ms. Cyrus twerking in close proximity to people’s faces without their consent.

“Miley would prefer to be the next Elizabeth Wurtzel rather than the next Amanda Bynes,” said an anonymous source close to the former Hannah Montana, “She has shown an interest in the law since her lawyers began drafting her prenup with Liam” (Hemsworth, her on-again off-again fiance).

“I think she’d fit right in, actually,” said Baylor 1L Nicole Cruz. “Every section has that person you’ll sign into class for and give your notes to because they’ll help you blow off some steam on the weekends.”

Harvard Law School professor Alan Dershowitz, who previously took on actress Natalie Portman as a research assistant, says “I would love to work with Miley. ‘Party in the U.S.A. is one of my favorite songs.”

An (unconfirmed) email supposedly from Miley’s father Billy Ray Cyrus states, “I know Miley says she ‘can’t be tamed’, but a legal education might be just the ticket. If she’s going to join a deplorable group of human beings, I’d rather it be lawyers than Hot Mess Former Disney Stars.”

Accredited law schools in the United States require an undergraduate degree, and Ms. Cyrus lacks both a Bachelor’s and a high school diploma/GED. Ms. Cyrus may be able to get around this rule because as her hit “We Can’t Stop” proclaims: “we run things things don’t run we.”

Our sources say Miley will most likely focus on entertainment law, although she has also shown a keen interest in the subterranean property rights relevant to the controversy over fracking.

Robin Hitchcock is an American writer living in Cape Town, South Africa. She is an inactive member of the bar which makes her much less bitter than working lawyers. Robin writes sketch comedy for the Pittsburgh-based all-female troupe Frankly Scarlett and performs improv comedy with Cape Town's The Long Shots. Robin is also a staff writer for the feminist media criticism site Bitch Flicks. You can find more of her writing at her blog, tumblr, and Twitter.

2 Comments

  1. Javier

    September 8, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    If she does go to law school, all the professors will want to “twerk” with her in their offices.

  2. Vincent

    September 9, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    I would probably try and twerk with her pooper, but I’d keep those teeth a long way from my privates. If she ever got too excited, those choppers could cause me to sing soprano in no-time flat. No broad is worth twerking for that privilege!

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