Motions Unlikely To Be Granted: Motion For Fist Fight

Here’s a brilliant motion that is dripping with sarcasm. Pure Bitter. Sure, it sounds crazy on the surface, but read on. There’s a point. And while opposing counsel did file a responsive pleading, sadly, we have not been able to obtain the court’s ruling. Read both pleadings (PDF) in all their glory.

Thanks to Bitter correspondent Charles J. Bruen, III, Esq., for turning this one in.

Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.


  1. George M. Zuganelis

    October 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Years ago, my then boss had me research whether “trial by combat” had been abolished by statute in Illinois. It had not. I was a young lawyer just out of law school. I had been a Marine officer and had played football at the University of Michigan. So I was assigned to present the motion for trial by combat to a judge who was a friend of my boss in the criminal div. of the Circuit Court of Cook County. I didn’t know what was going on. Turns out that everyone had a good laugh at my expense.
    I’ve also seen a “motion to destroy worthless person.” It was a ficticious motion the secretaries in the office made up and served upon one of the attorneys in the office naming him as the worthless person.

    • Jason Currie

      October 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

      I’ve been arguing that Wager of Battel (spelling is correct) still exists in Ontario since I started law school.

  2. Max Kuhn

    October 23, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    At least this one is within the court’s power to grant, compared to that other motion you posted to “unleash the hounds of Hell” upon client and his counsel.

  3. FreddieKrueger

    October 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    After reading the motion and the piss-poor writing, spellimg, and grammar, methinks defense counsel was already “drunk and stoned” without waiting for his friends or for the motion to be granted…

  4. Rachel

    October 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I once saw an entire motion done in comic book format, talk about sarcastic.

  5. Ezequiel

    October 28, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological globe everything is
    available on net?

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