News Update: Secrets to an Exciting Commute


Secret #1: Aerosol Keyboard Cleaner.

Does your morning commute suck? Always getting stuck in the slow lane? Maybe you try to brighten your day with a kickass playlist. Karlie Casey, 19, went a different route. The Illinois woman was arrested after crashing her car while huffing a can of aerosol keyboard cleaner. Oh she was also high on heroin, cocaine and codeine at the time. Yikes. Calm down Hunter S. Thompson. Classic case of overkill. Ten and two don’t mean the amount of drugs you need in your system to drive. At least she wasn’t drinking. M.A.D.D. would be pleased. Unfortunately M.A.Everyotherdrugimaginable is probably pissed.

Secret #2: Have Lots of Change — Just in Case.

A southwestern Pennsylvania woman has been jailed after flagging down motorist and offering a striptease for money. Jackie Hatter, 35 (probably in meth years), was arrested at 8:40 a.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct and marijuana possession. Eight freaking forty in the morning? On a Sunday? I guess you want to cater to the church-going crowd before they have to say their prayers and can repent. Sure nobody needs to see some boobs on the Sabbath but you’ll probably get a couple of people to scrape up some change from their ashtray and cup holder. Just avoid the Quakers. They don’t seem like the type to shell out a sawbuck for some Sunday side road strange.

More Bitter News on Wednesday.

Post image from Shutterstock.

Douglas Stephan is a solo attorney and owner of the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. He received his JD in 2010 from Ohio Northern University and BA from Ohio University. His practice is located outside of Dayton, Ohio. You can follow him on Twitter @stephanlaw.

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