Jason Earl Dean, 25, has been sentenced to four years in jail and six years of probation after handcuffing himself to a co-worker in an attempt to get a date. Dean, had tried to seduce his Taco Bell co-worker for a month when he finally made his big move to convince her to go out with him. She was not impressed. The 18-year-old victim screamed until fellow fast-food employees came to her aid.
Debbie Michelle Zamacona has pulled the craziest résumé move of all time. Emphasis on crazy. The 40-year-old Georgian claimed a ghost stole her curriculum vitae — which she valued at $5,000. Five. Thousand. Dollars.
This week in the always exciting workers’ compensation law, we come across Modupe Adunni Martin, who recently was sentenced to nine months in jail for workers’ compensation fraud. In addition to her jail sentence, Martin, 29, has been ordered to serve three months probation and repay more than $79,000 in defrauded funds. Pretty serious sentencing for some WC case. Let’s see where it went wrong for Martin.
For most people, being in the courtroom awaiting your initial hearing on disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer is not the time to be clowning around. Kenneth Kraucunas is not most people. The Milwaukee man appeared in court dressed in full clown attire, including a red nose. The bailiff, who apparently hated the ball toss on Bozo, instructed the man to “take your nose off and take a seat.”
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Bitter Lawyer is back again with all the holiday gifts you should be getting your lawyerly loved ones this season. Last time we introduced you to the Whisky advent calendar but today we are harkening back to last week’s post: Ten Signs You Are Dressed Unprofessionally.
The holiday season generally lends to a certain group of attorneys who believe it is fun and cool to wear holiday ties (read: 40 to 50-year-old male attorneys going through a mid-life crisis who, oddly enough, also often sport a pony tail). Extra credit goes to those attorneys who wear a tie that lights up on Rudolph’s nose. And, by extra credit, I mean stop. Please, stop. I love a nice tie, but I hate how impractical they are.
That changes today. Ladies and gentleman, without further adieu, I introduce you to The Flask Tie.
The end of college football is near. Last week we found out the sentencing for the LSU/Alabama teabagger. That guy got TWO YEARS in prison. Two Years! Crazy. Anyways, some fans just cannot contain their support for their team. Take Jana Lawrence, for example. The 46-year-old was celebrating her recent release from prison by watching the SEC championship game. I normally watch my football with a pitcher of beer and some chicken wings—Lawrence chose a different route.
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Last time we visited TIWIANACDA (acronym in progress), Lamarcus Williamson punched his attorney Dan Hall in the mouth because, well, he didn’t like the plead deal that he agreed to. This time we have an alleged murdered, Jerome Power of Grand Rapids, Iowa.
A 42-year-old South African has changed the meaning of a “fat wad” in your wallet. The man, currently unidentified, was jailed after his 18-year-old nephew’s genitals were found in his wallet. Police were investigating about the boy’s disappearance when they discovered a dismembered member in the uncle’s wallet. I guess that is the only place to keep the family jewels. After the uncle was pressed for answers, the body of the nephew was found — albeit in multiple pieces.
A New York district attorney has admitted that he acted in pornographic movies in the 1970s. Mark Suben, the DA near Syracuse has stated that he lied about his past in the days before this year’s election. Suben, who used the pseudonym Gus Thomas, apologized for his “bad judgment.” His spokeswoman, however, has stated that Suben will not resign.
The holidays can be a difficult time for the legal profession. Some new graduates have to face their extended family for the first time since failing the bar exam. Others are now inundated with questions from friends casually seeking legal advice. But let us focus on the bright side of this time of year: You are probably going to get some gifts. And free gifts are awesome.
