Former Cravath superlawyer and convicted sex perv James Colliton is now suing American Express for millions of dollars for revealing his location to authorities in 2006 while he was hiding and on the run from charges that he paid a woman to have sex with her 13- and 15-year-old daughters. In his suit, the so-called “Lolita Lawyer” claims that Canadian authorities would never have “falsely arrested” or “unlawfully detained” him if American Express hadn’t revealed that he had used his credit card to check into a hotel in Ontario.
In his own defense, the former associate at the world’s most prestigious law firm explained that he “wasn’t running from the law” and had traveled to Canada “only to attend some harness races,” pointing out that “you’re not a fugitive if you sign into a major chain hotel using your driver’s license and your American Express card.”
While Colliton’s reasoning has yet to win over the authorities, legal analysts have been quick to note that you’ve really gotta hand it to the training at Cravath. Here we have a publicly reviled fugitive, nailed dead to rights on both rape and prostitution-related charges, who thinks nothing of checking into a hotel with his own Amex card while he’s on the lam, and then turns around and sues Amex when they help police catch him. Clearly a man trained outside the esteemed Cravath System wouldn’t have had the legal chutzpah to go that extra mile. If he weren’t such a repugnant, delusional pervert cretin, we’d almost have to tip our hat to him. [NY Daily News]
Concerned that the deluge of press praising co-star Heath Ledger’s performance in the record-breaking mega-hit “The Dark Night” was overshadowing his own role in the film, Christian Bale took it upon himself to prove to the world that he can play a deranged criminal just as convincingly as Ledger. Against the advice of his agent and publicist, Bale allegedly assaulted his mother and sister early last week in a swank London hotel the night before the European premiere of the film.
The British media are reporting that Bale, 34, was arrested this morning for the assault, and a spokesman for the London police has confirmed that “A 34-year-old man attended a central London police station this morning by appointment and was arrested in connection with an allegation of assault.” Investigators have not yet confirmed what, specifically, provoked the assault, but sources close to the case have gone out on a limb and suggested that an actor who convincingly portrayed an American Psycho, willingly dropped to 125 pounds for an indie film no one saw, and almost got his face chopped off by a helicopter during a stunt for his latest flick—and has yet to land any major award noms—might, just might have some unresolved aggression issues at play. [HuffPost]
Photo by Alternate:Words
Marion Jones, the three-time Olympic gold medalist sentenced in January to six months in prison for lying to the feds about her steroid use and a multimillion-dollar check fraud scam, has asked President Bush to commute her sentence.
Inside sources at the White House have reported that while the President initially commended Jones for her efforts to conserve gas in these trying economic times, he did not believe that it was possible—or appropriate—to allow her to carpool to and from prison with other motorists. Attempts to reach the Office of the White House Press Secretary for further comment on the status of Jones’s request have as of yet remained unanswered. [Associated Press]
Sources in Orange County, California, are reporting that the O.C.’s first law school, Western State University College of Law, was actually sold on Wednesday to Swiss education company Knowledge Investment Partners. The actual sale price remains unconfirmed, but reports state that the final amount was “between $5 million and $10 million.”
When asked for comment on whether the sale might buoy the law school’s rankings, sources inside the student body at Western State U. have explained that they were not even aware that a law school could be sold like this. Several students did note, however, that after finding out their entire law school was up for sale, they had kinda hoped it would’ve gone for more than the three-bedroom ranch-style fixer-upper down the block. [Legal Pad LA]
Gons Nachman, a 42-year-old lawyer and practicing nudist who was recently convicted of having sex with teenage girls while serving as a diplomat in the Congo and Brazil, is asking a judge for leniency, arguing that “cultural differences in those countries make sex with girls more acceptable.”
In pleading with officials to recognize his view that not having sex with little girls in these countries would have made him some sort of cultural freak, Nachman explained that in these exotic locales “women develop quickly, both physically and emotionally,” noting that “their main concern is marrying men with financial stability, a concern dating [back] thousands of years and cutting across cultural lines.”
When reached for comment, the women of America were compelled to point out to Nachman another fact dating back thousands of years and cutting across cultural lines: Nowhere in the universe, no less the western hemisphere, is a middle-aged, government employee nudist pervert considered a catch. Just a heads up. [Newsweek]
Photo by NudstRalph
Amber Arpaio, a 26-year-old Jersey girl, is suing hooker-to-the-sort-of-stars Ashley Dupre and a whole bunch of other folks for allegedly stealing her identity and sullying her good name. Arpaio, who works in a dental office, claims that Dupre “somehow” stole her driver’s license in 2003 to convince Girls Gone Wild producers that she was old enough to be filmed and that part of the license is visible on the video of a dancing Dupre currently being hawked on the Girls Gone Wild website.
In her federal lawsuit filed last week, Arpaio claims that “Dupre’s use of her license has now linked her name to the Spitzer scandal and Dupre’s naked cavorting and career as a prostitute.” Hm. We’re not so sure about that, Ambs. Was it Dupre’s massive and all-encompassing identity heist that linked your name to the scandal or was it filing this lawsuit that did the trick? Because, while we hate to burst your bubble, we think it’s a pretty safe bet that if people watching the dancing-naked-girl video were focusing on anything that Ashley Dupre was flashing, chances are, it wasn’t your “stolen” drivers license. [The Smoking Gun]
Word hit the streets yesterday that Steven Page, the lead singer of the Barenaked Ladies, is planning to fight the recent cocaine charge he racked up last week when he was arrested in an apartment in upstate New York and charged with possession of a controlled substance. When asked about the powdery white substance in his possession, court documents report that Page allegedly told police “Yeah, it’s cocaine.”
While legal scholars and pundits alike have wished the singer well on his fight, they wanted to pass along this obscure legal tip: At your next drug bust, when the cops take a bag of blow out of your hand and ask you what it is, just keep your mouth shut. And if you do say something, say anything in the world but “Yeah, it’s cocaine.” Just a thought. [Reuters]
Photo by Staciaann Photography
Allen Garcia, the 33-year-old homeless panhandler who was arrested for selling crack to Tatum O’Neal six weeks ago, was released this week from Rikers Island, only to be stopped by immigration officials as he was walking out of the building, who delivered the bad news: he’s being deported.
Pundits from coast to coast were stunned to hear the news of the deportation, in light of O’Neal’s staunch declaration to the press six weeks ago, “I’m going to try to see if I can help him. He’s not a drug dealer. He’s a panhandler who sold drugs. I’m going to talk to my lawyer.” Long regarded for her mastery of semantics, O’Neil went on to explain that she is indeed the best person to race to the legal aid of this non-drug-dealing-panhandler-who-sells-drugs because she is not, in fact, a crackhead, but rather an actress with a head who occasionally puts crack in it. [NY Mag]
Early Wednesday morning, comedian Andy Dick was arrested for sexual battery and possession of controlled substances, after approaching a teenager outside the Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar in Murrieta, California and pulling off the teen’s shirt.
It came as no surprise to police investigating the case that Dick appeared to be “extremely intoxicated” and had a pocket full of Xanax and weed. Nor were they shocked to learn that prior to the teen grope, in keeping with his past precedent of whipping out his rope for public consumption whenever possible, Dick was “urinating outside the bar and causing a disturbance.” They weren’t even thrown to hear that just before their arrival, Dick had topped off this A-List night out with a quick ride in a truck and a stop at a nearby Sam’s Club. Sources with the Murrieta Police Department have confirmed, in fact, that the only facet of the entire sordid situation that investigators have found shocking is that the teenager in question was…a girl. [HuffPost]
The Wall Street Journal reports that Dick Wolf, creator of the Law & Order mega-franchise, and NBC, a television network that at one time produced shows that people actually watched, are engaged in a protracted legal battle over the series’ “revenue, prestige, and legacy.” Wolf believes he’s been cheated on his fees and on bigger-picture issues like the number of seconds that NBC promotes Law & Order over CSI (his findings show that in a typical week, CSI gets about 200 seconds worth of promos; his show only gets half that). NBC counters that Wolf, who stands to pull in about $750 mil from the show in the next few years, including $18 mil per year in producer’s fees, is just “being greedy.”
Financial quibbles aside, the deeper source of Wolf’s apparent gripe with the network is the litany of slights that he and his staff believe have been thrown their way in recent months. Topping the list is the fact that, “Among other restrictions, Starbucks coffee is no longer offered free, according to some of the show’s writers.” It is unclear to what extent Wolf’s access to GE’s fleet of private jets has been curtailed.
Tensions escalated further when Ben Silverman, the new co-chairman of NBC entertainment and NBC Universal Television Studio, recently backed out of a scheduled meeting with Wolf, sending his deputy instead. NBC commented that “Mr. Silverman doesn’t always go to such meetings.” Makes sense. Why would the president of the last-place network want to meet with the most successful producer in the history of television?
In response to Wolf’s clear displeasure at the slight, NBC stated that it prefers to exploit Mr. Silverman’s obvious genius in more out-of-the box arenas, such as the network’s new initiative calling for the return of every show aired between 1981 and 1988. Attempts to reach Mr. Silverman for comment on the set of Knight Rider were unsuccessful. [Wall Street Journal]