One Hit Away from Getting Out of Doc Review

Meet Paige Brenner, Loyola law grad, solo artist. She blames a drummer for getting her into doc review.

Watch the rest of the Bottom Rung, including character sketches of the dreamers, gunners, and lifers that make up document review.

Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.


  1. Ellen

    January 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    While I am a little bit more svelte, but she has nicer blond hair. I think if she came to my law firm, the manageing partner would stop stareing at my body so much. FOOEY!

  2. Duba Leu

    January 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Now THIS is what we should be looking to this website to watch. Who cares about the big nasty butch or the group of weenie guys? This one is at least worth a look, if not a test drive in the utility closet with the senior associates. There are plenty of dudes who would be more than willing to test drive this one in the pantry or the utility closet for a temp to perm job, with the perm dependent on sustained and repeated good performance evaluations.

  3. Guano Dubango

    January 25, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    I feel badly for this woman. She goes on tour with a band, has the drummer bang her bottom out, then she finds the drummer banging her roommate. A very sad situation.

    She hopefully has learned from her mistakes, and even though no longer wirginal, she may still be eligible for consideration by my Aunt Ooona, as long as still fertile and willing to come back to Ghana to interview.

  4. Melody

    January 26, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Paige needs to get with Dave already! LOL

  5. Mean Partner

    January 26, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I have now rescinded my tentative non-binding offer to move Paige into Tier 1 Doc Review. Hooking up with long-haired, greasy, poorly dressed drummers as opposed to making a play for a distinguished nerdy lawyer like me or Mr. Dubango, shows she is not Tier 1 Material.

    She will doubtless punch out a couple of kids with said drummer. At age 30, with a panic borne of a thickening waistline and developing wrinkles, she will kick drummer out of him out of their shared 2 BR apartment over a service station parking lot. Why? She objects to the drummer not “growing up.” And she wnats a house, an upscale gym and a new car.

    After fecklessly putting out for Drummer all those years, she now wants “security” and so on and will play for Mr. Dubango, a catch for any woman. He of course, will by then be leery of agreeing to give her half his stuff for a few rolls in the hay, and slightly bitter that Paige ignored him during her good years. He will insist on an iron-clad pre-nup from a state like NY or NJ that actually enforce them. She will cheat on him later since, he will be “boring” and once a drummer-chaser always one: he will dump her; she will wind up back in the 2BR apt at age 48.

    • Guano Dubango

      January 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm

      I think I would still give this woman a chance. I too would remain a bit concerned initially, but assuming (1) she passed muster with my Aunt Ooona; (2) she is fertile and disease-free; (3) she is willing to bear me three issue, including at least 1 male heir; (4) she is willing to return to live with me and our issue in Ghana; and (5) she will continue to perform all wifely duties for at least the issue reach the age of majority; I would be willing to marry this wench and provide her with a proper living arrangement and a suitable allowance that would allow her to shop liberally in Accra at least once a month.

      • Ellen

        January 26, 2012 at 11:06 pm

        Fooey on you men for bieng so jugementel about women. Just because we’re cute does not mean we will have sex with you. We have scrupeles too. I want a
        Man to woo me! Fooey on you men! Fooey!

  6. Bitter 2L

    January 27, 2012 at 1:22 am

    Since when do women clamor after drummers? Being both a drummer and a law student I should be irresistible. Apparently, however, that is NOT the case…

    • Ellen

      January 27, 2012 at 6:22 am

      That’s probabley right. Look at her hands. Not onley do you have to be in music, but we now insist on our boyfreinds haveing weenies that are this big.

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