Opposing Counsel Has Moves Like Jagger


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This week: Adam Levine breaks out some serious deposition moves.

MS. TAYLOR:  Counsel, can I proceed or are you going to
     keep--- Adam? Adam? Listen, Adam, I'm going to proceed.
     Your witness is here and I've answered some questions,
     some rather ridiculous questions about procedure,
     and I'd like to get started.
MR. LEVINE:  Just shoot for the stars if it feels right.
MS. TAYLOR:  Sure. Sure. Honestly, Adam, you are being difficult
     here. You have been since ---
MR. LEVINE: And aim for my heart if you feel like.
MS. TAYLOR: It's not about you, Adam. It's a deposition. A simple
     Rule 30 deposition. Can we just --
MR. LEVINE: -- Can take me away and make it OK
MS. TAYLOR: Adam, really, that's enough. And don't start singing
     again. Or humming. Or drumming on the table. I'm serious---
     No, I don't need to see your tattoos ---
MR. LEVINE: I swear I'll behave ---
MS. TAYLOR: That's right. It's my deposition.
     I noticed your client and you --
MR. LEVINE: -- You wanted control --
MS. TAYLOR: --- took two months to agree --
MR. LEVINE: So we waited.
MS. TAYLOR: But Adam, she's your client. Your client.
     I'll spell it for you: C-L-I-E-N-T. You represent her not ---
MR. LEVINE: I put on a show.
MS. TAYLOR: That's right. Yes. You put on a show. Everything
     about you and your practice is putting on a show.
     You are a joke. A joke.
MR. LEVINE: Now I make it.
MS. TAYLOR: You're an adolescent. What are you a 2011 grad
     from Regent? You're a kid.
MR. LEVINE: You say I'm a kid.
MS. TAYLOR: I say --- No, you're masochistic and an egotist.
     And a kid. With ADHD.
MR. LEVINE: My ego is big.
MS. TAYLOR: Big? It's off the charts, it's ten point two.
MR. LEVINE: I don't give a shit.
MS. AGUILERA: Am I needed here? Can we take a short break, maybe?
     I mean, can I go if this doesn't ---
MR. LEVINE: And it goes like this.
MS. TAYLOR: Adam, sit down. You do not have ---
     You say one more thing and I swear I'll -- 
MR. LEVINE: Take me by the tongue ---
MS. TAYLOR: --- That's it --
MR. LEVINE: --- I'll know you.
MS. TAYLOR: Ms. Aguilera, please step out.
MR. LEVINE: Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you.
MS. AGUILERA: Can anyone else see this?
MS. TAYLOR: It's on the record. It's on the record.
MR. LEVINE: All the moves like Jagger.
MS. TAYLOR: What? What did you just say?
MS. AGUILERA: Did he just say Jagger?
COURT REPORTER:  He said "All the moves like Jagger."
MS. TAYLOR: I'm going to ask the court reporter to step out. 
MR. LEVINE: I've got the moves like Jagger.
MS. TAYLOR: What?
COURT REPORTER: He said "I've got the moves like Jagger"
MR. LEVINE: I've got the moves like Jagger
MS. TAYLOR: Whatever. I'm leaving ---
     It's your show.
MR. LEVINE: I don't need to try to control you.
MS. TAYLOR: Right-o, Adam.
COURT REPORTER: Are we on the record?
MS. TAYLOR: Yes, yes. And let the record reflect that Mr. Levine
     has removed his shirt and, oh, shit ---
MR. LEVINE: Look into my eyes and I'll own you.
MS. TAYLOR: Don't touch me. 
MR. LEVINE: You with the moves like Jagger.
MS. TAYLOR: Put your shirt back --- I said don't touch me.
MS. AGUILERA: Is this over? 
MR. LEVINE: I've got the moves like Jagger.
MS. AGUILERA: What the hell? Are you on crack?
MR. LEVINE: I've got the moves like Jagger.
MS. AGUILERA: Nobody else can see this. 

Source: “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5.

(Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/53096178@N08/5886700986)

The Bitter Poet is one-part bitter lawyer, two parts failed literary star. Read more from Bitter Poet or submit your own bitter poetry or literary genius to info@bitterlawyer.com

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