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Loose Ends, 9-10-08

by Bitter Newsroom on September 10, 2008

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Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom:

What’s the purse for divorcing Greg Norman?  $128 million.  And Christmas decorations. [news.com.au]

Congratulations, Top 10 Family-Friendly Firms!  Your kids hate and resent you the least.  [Am Law Daily]

Josh Hartnett is suing the Daily Mirror for alleging he had sex in a London public library and that it was caught on tape by surveillance cameras.  However, rumors of a new celebrity sex tape have adult video companies offering big money for the footage in an effort to lure consumers back who swore off famous-people-sex watching after “The Verne Troyer Incident.” [PopEater.com]

A Massachusetts law requiring a particular fan-to-toilet ratio in large stadiums is now also being applied at smaller venues, which is hiking costs of new high school athletic facilities. Woburn Alderman Paul Denaro called enforcement of the law a “baloney decision.” Other gassy-food references Denaro considered were “this decision isn’t worth hill of beans” and “this requirement stinks like curry.” [Boston Herald]

While there’s hardly an argument as to why adults should ever wear Crocs, now there’s a lawsuit giving children a reason to avoid them as well.  [ajc.com]

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Yale: LIVING the DREAM, Webisode 6

by Rick Eid on September 10, 2008

When I was a lawyer, I worked with this investment banker who, for some reason, assumed I went to Yale. Every time we were together he’d make some sort of Yale reference. At first, I assumed he went to Yale and was just dropping self-serving New Haven tidbits to impress his peers. But he wasn’t. He truly thought I went to Yale. Every time I tried to correct him, someone would interrupt, his phone would ring, he’d change the subject. It was like a bad joke. Years later, he called me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to join his investment bank. I said yes, of course. But did he still think I went to Yale? If so, was that the reason he was offering me a job? Would he still want to hire me when he found out I didn’t go to that little school up in New Haven?

So I went to the interview ready to rebuff any and all Yale references with self-effacing humor and honesty. Luckily, it never came up—mainly because he talked about himself for the entire interview. I did, however, meet with several other bankers—all of whom were aware of my real credentials—and I was offered a job that afternoon.

I fortunately never had to disabuse Mr. Yalie of his potentially embarrassing mistake because he left the investment firm for a more lucrative position at another bank three days before I started work.

Anyway, I figured it would be funny for Nick to suffer the humiliation of being on the wrong end of a “You went to Yale” mistake, too.

Interesting tidbit: Spencer Garret, the actor who plays Thorne (the Yale-obsessed partner), just finished shooting the upcoming Michael Mann movie Public Enemies starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale.

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The City of No Lawyerly Love

by Bitter Newsroom on September 9, 2008

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If the rest of the nation trends like Philadelphia, it’s going to be rough autumn for mediocre associates and no-offer law students.  According to a Philadelphia Business Journal survey, business is down significantly at several top regional and national firms, and local law students are being reminded “that they are entering the profession during a difficult economic time.”

Last year, the city’s participating firms hired 185 first-year associates, but that number dropped this fall to 182.  Likewise, average salary has barely increased over the last year.

While most firms’ hiring decisions for fall 2008 were made during last year’s initial swell of the nation’s mortgage crisis, some predict that firms recruiting now for 2009 may decide to go with even smaller summer and first-year classes.

One law school director of career planning says she makes students aware of the professional slowdown, but she tries to not fill their heads with “things that are going to create unnecessary anxiety.”

Hm, and how does omitting unnecessary anxiety train people to be good lawyers exactly?  [Philadelphia Business Journal]

Loose Ends, 9-9-08

by Bitter Newsroom on September 9, 2008

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Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom:

Calling all cave dwellers!  O.J. Simpson needs 12 people who have not been influenced by his previous murder trial to serve on his new jury.  [Los Angeles Times]

Apparently Pad Thai and political office don’t pair well on the palate.  Thailand’s prime minister has been ordered to resign because he hosted a TV cooking show while in office.  [CNN]

The fever of New York Fashion Week is sweeping the country.  Just ask Morrius Bleau who was arrested by (fashion) police in Riviera Beach, FL for being in violation of the city’s new “saggy pants law.” [Sun Sentinel]

Executive Producer Steven Spielberg and the studios behind the 2007 Shai LaBeouf flick Disturbia are being sued for allegedly lifting the plotline from the same short story Alfred Hitchcock used as the basis for his 1954 classic Rear Window.  This situation sounds like a perfect extra-credit assignment for our CLE friends at Northwestern.  [Yahoo!]

In a related story of another author crying, “Rip off!”—a federal judge has sided with J.K. Rowling and ruled that a fan’s Lexicon book based on Rowling’s Harry Potter series cannot be published.  Phew!  Third graders the world over breath a collective sigh of relief.  [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Libel suits against bloggers are a growing trend. No comment.  [Boston.com]

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Info That Would’ve Been Helpful 100 Hours Ago

by Bitter and Abused on September 9, 2008

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Partner drops a huge motion on me for summary judgment, which I am to write in one week.  This is a case that has been litigated for five years, involving more than fifty years of contracting history between the parties.  The associates regularly assigned to the case inexplicably never researched many of the significant issues of the case or drafted a statement of facts.  I am “the closer,” the savior, the only one who can get this done.

I am locked in a room with what seemed to be hundreds of boxes of documents, deposition transcripts and discovery responses.  I am told to write the motion and given nothing more by way of guidance.  After more than a hundred hours of work, I blearily forward a draft via email to the partner and other associates on the team and stumble off for a few hours of sleep.

That afternoon, I receive a terse email indicating that I am to report immediately to the partner’s office for a conference call with the client.  Apparently, my draft has not been well received.

Client is incensed.  At the beginning of this case, five years ago, client advised us that it did not want to make “Argument X” because of the ongoing business relationship client had with one of the defendants.  The same “Argument X” that is central to my motion.  Partner looks at me and shakes his head.  All associates in the room turn their faces away, ashamed at my failure.  Partner must placate the client—stating that I made a mistake and would fix it.

Of course, none of the people actually assigned to this case, including the partner, ever told me that the client did not want to make “Argument X.”

I haven’t spoken directly with a client since.

Report your tales of Associate Abuse.  Email them to info@bitterlawyer.com

Loose Ends, 9-8-08

by Bitter Newsroom on September 8, 2008

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Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom:

“Authorities say they’ve arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.” You just can’t make that stuff up.  [CNN]

In addition to their new two-year law program, Northwestern is offering Illinois attorneys Continuing Legal Education credit for being a film critic.  It’s unclear whether you’ll actually have to discuss the law-themed films or if you can simply weigh in using an opposable digit.  [Law.com]

Tommy Lee Jones is suing the makers of No Country for Old Men for more than $10 million.  Apparently he didn’t get the ending either.  [PopEater.com]

And if a cease-and-desist don’t do the trick

You best give our royalties to Obama quick

You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn it to the wick

Ooooh, Sarah Barracuda

[BBC News]

A landlord in Cincinnati settled a sexual harassment case for approximately $1 million.  12 female tenants alleged that he “made sexual comments, touched women sexually without permission, entered their apartments without permission or notice, and retaliated against those who resisted his advances.” The entire case, however, is breaking news to ten-year renter Betty in 3G, who now claims to be feeling “undesirable.” [AOL]

“House hunting” takes on a whole new meaning in McKinney, TX.  [DallasNews.com]

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I Want to be a Sports Agent

by Ex-Bitter on September 7, 2008

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I’m thinking of going into the sports and entertainment industry with a friend of mine from law school. We have several contacts in both industries and several prospective clients including an MLB baseball player, an NFL football player, current and former Division 1 NCAA athletes, as well as aspiring actors, models, movie producers, etc. The problem is that I don’t know exactly what these people do aside from contract negotiations and helping clients maximize their marketability and professional potential. I also don’t know how to get clients outside of the friends I already have in the industry. With all of the NCAA, MLB, NFL, etc. by-laws and regulations governing agents and when, how, and for what reasons they can approach talent, I don’t want to just start going after clients and possibly breaking the rules and stepping on people’s toes.

For example, one of my good friends is an NFL player whose agent is Drew Rosenhaus…who is THE top agent in the NFL. I’d love to get my friend’s business (and I’m sure he’ll give it to me), but do I really want to go barking up the wrong tree? I’ve also heard that the NFL does not allow agents to approach players who already have representation…so how do you get clients without pissing off the leagues?

Let me know what your take is on this industry and if you know anyone who has been successful in trying to start their own sports representation business. I really think the contacts I have now are a great start.  I just need to know the right way to build upon them and start building a profitable book of business.

Do you really think your buddy will just dump Drew Rosenhaus because you’ve decided to get into the representation business?  Come on, baby, wake up.  You’re playing with the varsity here.  These guys—these agents—are sharks.  More importantly, you don’t even know what agents do!  You said so yourself.  So how the hell do you expect to compete with Drew Rosenhaus?  The better question, I suppose is, why would a professional athlete sign with YOU?  Do you REALLY think your buddy, Mister NFL, would leave the top dog in the sports representation business for a clueless law school puppy like you?  If Mister NFL even suggested making a change, Rosenhaus would talk him out of it in less than five seconds.

“Wait, let me get this straight, Mister NFL.  You’re leaving me for some guy with no experience?  With no marketing contacts?  With no clients?  With no negotiating leverage?  This is a business.  It’s about money.  Cash.  Career longevity.  Building a brand.  Not friendship.  Got it?”

Five seconds later, Mister NFL will call you up and say, “I’m staying put for now.  Sorry, dawg.  It’s just business.”

The good news here is:  You have connections.  And you know what you want to do.  Which is a head start.  A big head start.  But like I suggested earlier, athlete representation is a notoriously vicious and tricky business.  So here’s my advice: Try to get a job working for an established agent—like Drew Rosenhaus—or a prominent agency like IMG.  Your contacts and law degree should help you get you in the door.  But the bottom line here, buddy, is:  You’re not ready to play with the big boys just yet.  No matter how smart, aggressive or wired up you think you may be.  Get some experience, learn the game, the game within the game, and then go out on your own.  Remember, an agent without deal making experience or influential upper management contacts isn’t really an agent.  He’s an unemployed fool.

Also see: I Want to be a Hollywood Agent

Got a question for Ex-Bitter?  Email it to info@bitterlawyer.com

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Bitter Style: Fashion Tips for Interviews

by Bitter Staff on September 6, 2008

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Bitter Style: Fashion Tips for Interviews

Most important thing to remember is: Let your resume and interpersonal skills make the impression, not your wardrobe.

Women

DO…

- Wear a solid or conservative pinstripe suit (either skirt or pant) in dark gray, navy or black.

- Dress clean and sharp.  No clutter, no frills.

- Make sure your suit choice fits properly.  Not too baggy or too tight.

- Wear a simple shoe–preferably a 2 to 3 ½ inches high.

DON’T…

- Wear a noticeable perfume.  So many people are allergic!

- Show off your cleavage or butt.  It’s an interview, not a date.

- Wear fashion-statement jewelry.  Stick to simple stud earrings.  No dangles.

- Get too fashion-forward or tragically hip. Could be distracting.

- Wear shoes with too high a heel or an open toe.

- Go with bare legs.

Men

DO…

- Wear a solid or conservative pinstripe suit in dark gray or navy.

- Wear a white or light blue shirt.  Simple blue pinstripe is okay, too.

- Wear a semi-spread collar shirt.  With collar stays!

- Wear a two-button suit.  Three-button is okay if you’re tall and slender.

- Match your belt to your shoes.

- Make sure your socks are the same basic shade as your trouser.

- Wear a simple black or brown dress shoe.  Lace-up is preferable to loafer.

- Get a shoeshine prior to your interview.

DON’T…

- Wear a black suit.  No matter what your super-cool agent friend from LA tells you.

- Wear theme or college ties—even it’s close to the holidays and you went to Oxford.

- Wear noticeable cologne.  It’s just lame.

- Wear penny or tasseled loafers.

- Wear a vest underneath your suit.  Looks good on the guy in GQ, but not on you.

- Wear a bow tie.  In fact, don’t even think about it.

SUGGESTED LOOKS:

Women

Banana Republic

Ruched pinstripe blazer & matching high-waisted pencil skirt in grey

Classic blazer & matching trouser in black

Liz Claiborne

Pinstripe blazer & matching trousers in grotto blue

Ann Taylor

Isadora pinstripe mid-length jacket & matching trousers in canvas

Macy’s

Pinstriped double-layer style skirt suit in navy

Men

Banana Republic

Wool modern two button blazer & matching suit pants in charcoal

Brooks Brothers

All the suiting essentials options in navy, grey stripe and charcoal

J. Crew

Italian slim suit jacket & matching pants in dark graphite

Macy’s

Stripe suit in navy

Loose Ends, 9-5-08

by Bitter Newsroom on September 5, 2008

Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom:

Scratch-off ticket buyers are sensing they might be bogus and are filing lawsuits against lottery officials.  Finally people are realizing that the scratch-and-win system is a rip off and that picking arbitrary numbers in hopes a machine full of balls will spit out those numbers is a much wiser use of money. [Law.com]

A former Skadden associate founded a website dedicated to solving disagreements between owners of fantasy sports teams.  While “Marc Edelman is the guy to talk to if you have fantasy trade disputes,” he’s probably not the guy you call if you have realistic dating prospects. [The Am Law Daily]

When Barack Obama was editor of the Harvard Law Review in 1990, his peers were already referring to him as if he were a U.S. President.  [Los Angeles Times Blog]

“Young men who die suddenly after being arrested by the police may be victims of a new syndrome similar to one that kills some wild animals when they are captured.” A follow-up study is underway to compare the differences between how prisoners and pandas breed in captivity.  [Reuters]

Despite mediocre reviews, 7.7 million Americans celebrated Labor Day by boxing up their white wardrobe and tuning into the premiere of Raising the Bar, TNT’s new law drama.  That number ended up being the biggest audience ever for a new-series launch on an ad-supported cable network.  [WashingtonPost.com]

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Angelina Jolie: Don’t Adopted Babies Count for Anything?

by Bitter Newsroom on September 4, 2008

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Angelina Jolie’s face may be worth millions of dollars, but as far as the Brits are concerned, she can keep it to herself. At least when it’s oiled up and flaunting ammo on a movie poster.  Reports from the UK have confirmed that Britain’s media watchdog, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), has banned two posters of Jolie’s latest flick, Wanted, after citizens complained that the ads promoted guns and violence.

One of the posters showed Jolie splayed across the top of a car, sporting a gun, and the other showed her crouching down, aiming a gun upward. The ASA claims that it banned the posters after receiving 17 complaints from people who “thought the ads were irresponsible because they glorify and glamorize gun crime at a time when there is increasing public concern in Britain about it.”

When reached for comment, British legal analysts agreed that only a culture full of prurient flesh peddlers would allow images of some young, hot, gun-toting national sex symbol to be thrown in its citizens faces day after day. Not the Brits, though. That’s not their scene. Their standards are too high. Their sense of propriety is too—oh, wait.  Um, nevermind.  [Reuters via

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