A video of a public intoxication stop is making the rounds on YouTube. The officer gave a portable breath test, and the result was a BAC of .018. After showing the “suspect” that he was twice the legal limit, the young man pointed out that .018 is actually less than .08. Twice the legal limit would actually be .16.
The “suspect” then pointed out that he was a physics student and would obviously know that. Of course, a second grader would also know that. Apparently, the civil service exam was extra easy the year this officer scribbled out how many apples you have if you take two away.
Read on to check out the video.
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Every Sunday here at Bitter Lawyer we take a look at the stats from the previous week. We like to know how you, our adoring fans, found our site. So we will feature the strangest search terms that people used to get to Bitter Lawyer, and let you know what they found. In no particular order, this week’s winners are:
(image: Business Graph from Shutterstock)
Now that marijuana is legal, Seattle bus drivers have been instructed to put any small amounts of marijuana they find left on the bus in the lost-and-found box. Of course we can expect them to treat mislaid marijuana as they would any other lost property. Surely they’ll dutifully place any schwag weed they find with all the aviator sunglasses left over from 2006.
Assuming you aren’t able to recover that fine bud that fell from your bag, you can rest easy knowing your sacrifice will brighten the day of every person on that bus, which will now run on an emissions free combination of positive vibes and Peter Tosh music.
The really important outcome here is that now all those Dave Mathews listening, fist pumping, former frat boys will finally have a reason to pay attention in property class. Knowing the difference between lost, mislaid, or abandoned property will be a little more important when fighting over some misplaced hashish.
Last night I was watching an NHL playoff game. When one team scored a goal thousands of cheering fans roared as 5 grown men ecstatically hugged each other. While I was thrilled my team had scored, I was a bit jealous. Really, these guys are professionals; I’m a professional, too damnit! So, why didn’t anyone cheer when I won that motion this morning? Ego boosts aside, there are a few ways the rules of hockey could improve law practice, or at least make it more satisfying…
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The Chinese Government opened an investigation into Zhanga Yimou after rumors surfaced that he may have seven children in violation of China’s one-child policy. The Chinese film director is responsible for the Beijing Summer Olympic Opening Ceremonies that led Eric Cartman (noted American isolationist) to take over a P.F. Chang’s in South Park, Colorado.
According to Reuters, Zhang, who was “once the bad-boy of Chinese cinema,” could be fined up to 160 million Yuan. That’s over 4 million dollars per illegal child. But it has been speculated that Madonna may low ball him.
Dennis Rodman, transvestite/sports player, took time out of his busy schedule of trying on wedding dresses to tweet at Kim Jung Un. Why? Because Rodman wants his buddy “Kim” to stop being a total d-bag.
Mr. Bae is an American business man who was arrested in North Korea because the DPRK says he was trying to topple the country. Bae was sentenced to fifteen years of hard labor.
Since Washington can’t seem to sort this out, we here at Bitter Lawyer would like to join in Mr. Rodman’s noble request (seriously). Mr. Kim, cut Kenneth Bae loose, then do us all a solid and go H yourself.
Please enjoy the commencement speech that Northwest 3L’s school threatened to expel him for. – Ed.
Good afternoon. I’d like to start by reminding whoever nominated me to give this speech that I’ll figure it out eventually. And once I do, well, you have to sleep eventually. As for everyone who voted for me, well, I hope you’re happy with how this turns out.
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NBC News reports that an Illinois woman was arrested last week for a DUI. When questioned by police, the woman explained that she was drinking to celebrate. Celebrate what, you ask? Getting her license back from her previous DUI suspension. But the woman didn’t actually have her license back yet. According to the Riverside police department, the alleged drunk driver was driving a car she didn’t own to celebrate a license suspension that hadn’t ended yet.
(h/t http://neatorama.com)
I assume you all know that lawyers are stuck in the 1990s. Lawyers still use faxes. Many still hand write notes on yellow legal pads. Our offices are filled with filing cabinets from cases 8 years old. But most old-timey of all: We love writing letters. And when it comes to legal writing, its not how you start but how you finish.
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What in the Bitter Lawyer is going on here?
Put your lawyerly wisdom to the test and post a comment below or on Facebook with a witty, hilarious, or brilliant caption to this comic, courtesy of Shutterstock.com. And keep it clean(ish) and, y’know, respectful.
The editor’s pick will be announced next week, and then we’ll post the comic with the winning caption on Facebook.
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