Bitter Lawyer

10 Things You Will Do While Studying for the Bar

The ten things you will almost always do during the weeks of studying for the bar exam.

Video Proves Police Officer Needs to Brush Up on Math

by Bitter Editor on May 12, 2013 in Video

A video of a public intoxication stop is making the rounds on YouTube. The officer gave a portable breath test, and the result was a BAC of .018. After showing the “suspect” that he was twice the legal limit, the young man pointed out that .018 is actually less than .08. Twice the legal limit [...]

How You Found Us: May 12, 2013 Edition

by Bitter Editor on May 12, 2013 in General

Every Sunday here at Bitter Lawyer we take a look at the stats from the previous week. We like to know how you, our adoring fans, found our site. So we will feature the strangest search terms that people used to get to Bitter Lawyer, and let you know what they found. In no particular [...]

Lose Your Dime Bag? Check the Lost and Found.

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by Bitter Newsroom on May 11, 2013 in Really Real News

Now that marijuana is legal, Seattle bus drivers have been instructed to put any small amounts of marijuana they find left on the bus in the lost-and-found box. Of course we can expect them to treat mislaid marijuana as they would any other lost property. Surely they’ll dutifully place any schwag weed they find with [...]

Why the Legal Profession Should Be More Like Hockey

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by Bitter Editor on May 10, 2013 in General

Last night I was watching an NHL playoff game. When one team scored a goal thousands of cheering fans roared as 5 grown men ecstatically hugged each other. While I was thrilled my team had scored, I was a bit jealous. Really, these guys are professionals; I’m a professional, too damnit! So, why didn’t anyone [...]

Chinese Movie Director Investigated for Six Counts of Having Children

by Bitter Newsroom on May 9, 2013 in Really Real News

The Chinese Government opened an investigation into Zhanga Yimou after rumors surfaced that he may have seven children in violation of China’s one-child policy. The Chinese film director is responsible for the Beijing Summer Olympic Opening Ceremonies that led Eric Cartman (noted American isolationist) to take over a P.F. Chang’s in South Park, Colorado. According [...]

Transvestite of State: Dennis Rodman Becomes Secretary of Keeping it Real [Really]

by Bitter Newsroom on May 8, 2013 in Really Real News

Dennis Rodman, transvestite/sports player, took time out of his busy schedule of trying on wedding dresses to tweet at Kim Jung Un. Why? Because Rodman wants his buddy “Kim” to stop being a total d-bag. Mr. Bae is an American business man who was arrested in North Korea because the DPRK says he was trying [...]

The Bitter Commencement Speech

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by The Northwest 3L on May 8, 2013 in Columns

Please enjoy the commencement speech that Northwest 3L’s school threatened to expel him for. – Ed. Good afternoon. I’d like to start by reminding whoever nominated me to give this speech that I’ll figure it out eventually. And once I do, well, you have to sleep eventually. As for everyone who voted for me, well, [...]

Woman Busted for DUI While Celebrating Almost Getting Her License Back

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by Bitter Newsroom on May 7, 2013 in Really Real News

NBC News reports that an Illinois woman was arrested last week for a DUI. When questioned by police, the woman explained that she was drinking to celebrate. Celebrate what, you ask? Getting her license back from her previous DUI suspension. But the woman didn’t actually have her license back yet. According to the Riverside police [...]

Six Stupid Salutations (That Every Lawyer Uses)

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by Han Bitter Solo on May 6, 2013 in Columns

I assume you all know that lawyers are stuck in the 1990s. Lawyers still use faxes. Many still hand write notes on yellow legal pads. Our offices are filled with filing cabinets from cases 8 years old. But most old-timey of all: We love writing letters. And when it comes to legal writing, its not [...]

Caption This! (May 3, 2013)

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by Bitter Staff on May 3, 2013 in Comics, Contests

What in the Bitter Lawyer is going on here? Put your lawyerly wisdom to the test and post a comment below or on Facebook with a witty, hilarious, or brilliant caption to this comic, courtesy of Shutterstock.com. And keep it clean(ish) and, y’know, respectful. The editor’s pick will be announced next week, and then we’ll [...]