Searching for Tim Tebow, Attorney at Law

By now, you’ve likely heard that Tom Brady’s dimpled chin and fluid throwing mechanics vanquished the noble and righteous crusade of Timothy Richard Tebow. Though, in what came as a surprise to Tebow critics (read “haters”) everywhere, they were never on the field at the same time. I watched this game as a palate cleanser since my Chicago Bears promptly shat in the woods. I was hoping for an entertaining game that would allow Tebow the chance to pull off his late game heroics once again.

And then, in good Christian fashion, steal Brady’s wife.

For the last two months the sports world has been going nuts discussing this topic. For those of you living under a rock, the learned consensus apparently is Mr. Tebow is a quarterback that has no business playing in the NFL let alone going 7-2 as a starter this season. Pundit after pundit, fan after fan attack everything about the guy from his bad throwing mechanics, to the offense tailored to his strengths or that he apparently is a Christian. If you’ve gotten to this point you can probably guess that this game sparked my intellect and inquisitive personality actually, I just didn’t have an idea for this column until an hour before my deadline to ask who is the Tim Tebow of the legal world?

HINT: Harriet Miers is not the correct answer as clearly she is the Mark Sanchez of lawyering.

I’m sure we can all name the Tom Brady’s of the legal world and frankly, there are far too many of these badass lawyers that make the rest of us feel like worthless peons. These would be the lawyers who have amazing intellect, the finest academic pedigree, and have the ability to be #duhwinning at everything they set out to do. Chief Justice John Roberts comes to mind, so does U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, President Bill Clinton, and Judge Judy. So what about the flipside, who is the Tim Tebow of the legal world?

If one of you says that whoever is taking a knee in prayer after impeaching a witness, so help me God…

Clearly Tebow the Esquire would come from a solid but non-top tier academic institution. He or she would definitely have experienced some level of success in extracurricular activities such as Moot Court or someone who was on the law review (but did not grade-on). I’m sorry to say that this lawyer would not have started his or her career in Big Law, but that’s not saying this legal mind may be destined for things above a substandard GPA. The thing that has made Tim Tebow a sensation is not that he is a flawed quarterback or upfront with his beliefs, it’s that he is winning in damn near impossible fashions. So clearly, the Legal Tebow would be winning over and over again.

As I’ve basically given up my search of Chicago to find Law Firm 10, I think moving on to find the Tebow of lawyering is a nobler task. This seems like something I can actually do without leering at all of the attractive lawyers in the Midwest (well…sorta). In a profession where losing is commonplace, there comes a point where you want to associate with winning. Even if it is winning ugly. So here and now I start my search for Tebow at Law.

So I can convince him or her to hire me. To be Brady Quinn.

Post image from Flickr

Read more posts on Bitter Lawyer from the Namby Pamby. Or follow his writing on thenambypambyblog.com or @thenambypamby.

2 Comments

  1. Ellen

    December 20, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I am told that I can be NY’s Law Firm 10, but I perfer to concentrate on my LEGAL work, not just on looking feminine for men to stare at.

    I get enough with the manageing partner looking me up and down every day, but he pay’s my salary.

    Who needs alot of other men looking at my boobies? NOT ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I SAY FOOEY ON MEN THAT OBJECTIVIZE WOMEN FOR THEIR BODIES, AND NOT THEIR MINDS!

    FOOEY!

  2. Eurotrash

    December 20, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Attorney Willie E. Gary springs to mind, but it’s not really it…

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