[Ed. Note: The following is again from Gianna Scatchell, the blogger behind LegallyNoted.com]
No matter what age you decide to go, law school dating behaviors are awkward. The whole place reeks of dank sexual regression. As I covered yesterday, for women, law school is like a three-year celibacy sentence. For guys, they behave like it’s a life sentence—constantly bellyaching about their lack of time, their lack of “options,” their lack of money, their lack of chutzpa to stop bitching about it and get off the bench.
Aside from the guys with low standards who hook up with any and all of the three female pass-arounds (they’re in every class), if a law school man wants some sexy love, he’s gotta make himself worthy. And as far as law school guys go, quite honestly, our standards aren’t that high—it’s merely about getting out of your own way.
So here are gnarly characteristics male law students need to avoid if they want to quit making love to their torts book and actually score with a female, whether it be a fellow coed or a local yokel:
1. BRAGGING HOW YOU’RE SOON GOING TO BE A LAWYER MAKING GOOD MONEY
If you’re trying to seduce a non-law student, STOP bragging about being in law school. Even that innocent little filly on whom you’re laying it on thick at the bar knows there’s nothing is sexy about $120K in debt, a limited social life, and looking forward to something as tool-ish as law school prom. It doesn’t make you resonate as a future cash cow.
2. DROPPING THE LAW
For the love of God, Allah, Dalai Lama, DO NOT talk about the law when conversating with the fairer sex. Even a fellow law student would much prefer hearing you talk about your postmature admiration for Phish than suffer gladly your attempt at flirting about intentional torts. (Unless, God forbid, you’re Mr. Law School. Hubba, hubba.) Talking about the fee tail = no tail. And you actually receive negative points for bringing up the string of cases that charge someone with tort liability if they knowingly infect someone with an STD.
3. EXPOSING YOUR SUPERIORITY COMPLEX
Talking about (and loving yourself) ad nauseam has got to stop. It’s a known fact that lawyers love to hear themselves speak. But you’re a law student. You may pretend to be doing all kinds of mad advocating at your summer firm, but we know the truth: You’re a photocopying guru. Paper jam? The attorneys come to you instead of waiting for a tech. So stop being a self-important attention whore and at least pretend to be interested in the fact that the girl you’re boring to death has a mouth too. That likes to say things. And be heard.
4. BEING ANNOYINGLY INSECURE ABOUT BEING POOR
You lack finances. It’s pretty much a given that if you’re a law student, you’re probably living off student loans (or your parents). Rule number one: Don’t mooch, you cheap bastard. Rule two: Stop sounding obsessed with dollars. Nothing says, “Lets get it on!” like listening to you bemoan how you got no flow. Even worse: Pretending like you’ve got cheddar when you don’t. That Mazda ain’t fooling any of us ladies into believing you’re Mr. Independently Wealthy Law Student Guy.
DRY HUMPING DANCING
You went to law school because you didn’t have any impressive physical ability, so don’t pull out your lawn mower, cabbage patch, shopping cart, sprinkler, Carleton, running man or Roger Rabbit moves. If you’re with your wingman, resist the urge to be A Night at the Roxbury and play pelvic thrust ping-pong. Please spare us the embarrassment and disappointment of realizing, at that moment, that we’re not going to sleep with you.
6. WAXING POLITICAL
Politics. The economy. Catastrophes. Things that don’t turn us on unless we’re Campbell Brown. People tend to go out and socialize as a form of escapism—not to be biased-ly informed about the social maladies of the world. You’re cock blocking yourself when you talk about Obama’s nemesis in the Senate. If you’re finding yourself scratching your head for something to say, try something simple. “You want a drink?” “How ’bout them Cubs?” Both solid options.