SuperLawyers is a cash cow made up of normals who bleed and cry. True superheroes of the legal profession toil every day in relative obscurity, typically as bond lawyers, paralegals, law students, and eDiscovery vendors. But when the enemies of justice get off the bus, our supers are ready to fight for peace, justice, and the other things that lawyers and Americans do.
Each week Bitter Lawyer introduces a new card for a Superhero of the Legal Profession, whether it’s Sequestor, Paralex, or the ambiguous superhero Dr. Juris (and his trusty sidekick “T14″). Stay tuned each Thursday. And watch out, SuperLawyers, we’ve got your ass.
By day, Sequestor is a mild-mannered municipal bond lawyer based in Cleveland. When Twitter or the archvillain Ex Parte threaten to infiltrate a sequestered jury and wreak havoc on justice or a DUI verdict, Sequestor leaps into action. See the card and learn more.
Paralex, a nondescript and overworked paralegal during the day, packs a powerful legal punch when called on to clean up after prominent superheroes who have typically failed to defeat injustice. See the card and learn more.
At work in the law school underworld, Doctor Juris is a powerful ally to, well, no one really knows for sure. With mind bending and numerological mesmerization, Doctor Juris has built up a large cadre of underlawyers whom he says are “working for justice and opportunity.” See the card and learn more.
While not the most exciting civilian—being a frequent fixture on the eDiscovery vendor circuit and giving out Tootsie Rolls at legal tech shows in New York—Redactor is indispensable in keeping sensitive metadata from spilling out and ruining a partner’s lunch. See the card and learn more.
Despite appearances to the contrary, there is only one Megablawg. And he works obscurely during the day as a quarter-time lawyer and three-quarter-time life coach. Every waking hour, however, he and his sidekick Microblawg use the latest social media teambuilding technology to keep a keen eye on the uniweb for legal content they can scrape and repost for justice—and the greater good. See the card and learn more.
Relying on her sidekick Ultrateen to track down all heirs, devisees, and even remote beneficiary assigns, Executrix can dispense justice—and an heirloom set of silver butter knives—within 10 days of a decedent’s death. Tax free. How does she do it? We don’t know. See the card and learn more.
COBRA is known informally among her peers as the superhero of legal paperwork–whose name is short for “cobra de capello” or “serpent of the hood.” Though secretive and shy by nature, COBRA possesses the power to shapeshift reams of paper forms into ever-elusive “qualifying events.” See the card and learn more.
A superhero for the down-and-out lawyer, Obscura provides one last hope of pulling defeat from the jaws of a ridiculously distant and unlikely victory. See the card and learn more.
There is only one Captain 56, arbiter of factual disputes and self-described destructor of claims. An avowed defender of insurance defense and product liability lawyers, Captain 56 is decidedly one-sided in his pursuit of a speedy and dismissive judicial outcome. See the card and learn more.