It’s November, and that means bar results are nigh. For those in sensible states like California, it’s a countdown to Nov. 21. But for those in states like New York, waiting for your results is kind of like watching paint dry over an open wound.
Whether you’re still looking for a job or on the verge of Living the Dream, you’ll need to pass the time somehow.
1. Don’t tell the senior partner that you think you failed
When it comes to bar results, don’t think. It can only hurt the firm and you.
2. Try not to think about the dormant Commerce Clause issues raised by the produce at your local grocery store
Nobody really cares.
3. Go out of town for a weekend
Win or lose, you won’t have a break after you get your results.
4. Stop dreaming about adversely possessing Alaska
Sarah Palin is back, it won’t work.
5. Don’t try to issue spot while watching Law & Order
Leave that to Jack McCoy.
6. Spread a rumor that the bar results won’t come out until January
Then wait to see how long it takes to get back to you.
7. Don’t give away your Bar/Bri books just yet
You never know.
8. Don’t brag that you know you passed
Hubris will only come back to bite you in the ass.
9. Pray
10. Remove inappropriate pictures of yourself from Facebook
The partners and your clients really don’t want to see that post-bar drunken picture of you shaving a donkey in Mexico. That way, if you pass, you won’t get fired.
11. Bitch to your laymen friends about how unfair it is that you have to wait so long for your results
After you get them, nobody will want to hear you complain about anything.
12. Avoid giving legal advice
You don’t have your license yet and even if you did, you don’t know anything anyway.
13. Don’t expect much sympathy if you fail
You’re a lawyer, you’re supposed to have a license.
14. Don’t expect much in the way of congratulations when you pass
You’re a lawyer, you’re supposed to have a license.
Check out other lists, tallies and scores to settle in Bitter by Numbers.
