The great Disney philosopher Tony Perkis once stated, “Can you smell it? There’s a life force in here tonight. Do you feel it?” Today, that statement could not be truer. I can feel it in my plums. Its electric in the hallowed halls of jurisprudence. Its Barrister’s Ball time! Law schools across the country are setting up tables in their lounge to sell tickets to the yearly dumpster fire.
We here at Bitter Lawyer have long strived to provide you with the best advice on this annual gala. With that in mind, we present the 5 Things Not To Do At Barrister’s Ball.
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So, you’ve been working at your law firm for seven or ten years or whatever amount of time it takes these days to “make partner.” As the goal of partnership gets closer, however, something begins to smell. You can’t quite pinpoint it, but there’s something in the air that makes you ill at ease, signs that things are not going well. To be specific—and in case you had not yet pinpointed what exactly is going wrong—here are five essential signs that you aren’t going to make partner.
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a finals lover. I flee the exam room as soon as possible without looking back or even acknowledging my closest friends. I would rather be a 5th grader having “the talk” with my mother than talk to anyone about the test I just took. I have a rotation of answers for when people ask me how an exam was, and they are, “ugh,” “it’s over,” and a stare that Medusa could learn from. I don’t look at my notes after the final to see what I got wrong or right and, when I have a flashback of any idiocy I included on my exam, I audibly groan and attempt to induce amnesia. All of that being said, there are a few things about finals I don’t completely despise.
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Oh the interview. Thirty minutes of your life that will cause you to drink like you just took a Property I exam. Did I focus too much on my personal life? Did I relate my favorite baseball team with my volunteering at the local little league? Will the interviewer actually call my previous boss where I stated I was a valuable clerk when really I was just the coffee bitch? Interviews can humiliate and dehumanize you. No worries however, Bitter Lawyer is here to help with honest answers for some of the most common interview questions.
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It’s the last year of law school and you still don’t have a paying job lined up for after graduation. Sure, you knew the market was tough going into this show, but you were going to be different. You were going to stand out. Employers were going to see that special twinkle in your eye and snatch you up before all of the others. Okay, well you were wrong that. And now the pressure is on and you’re starting to really feel it. Don’t worry though, there are still lots of reasons to be happy.
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1. Mahlon Pitney
2. Morgan Shepherd
3. Russell Scott Riggs
4. Lucius Lamar II
5. Howell Jackson
6. Bushrod Washington
7. Samuel Hornish, Jr.
8. Stan Mathews
9. Landon Cassill
10. Robert Alan Labonte
11. David Davis
12. Pierce Butler
13. Carl Michael Edwards II
Cheater’s Key
Supreme Court Justices: 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, 11, 12
NASCAR Drivers: 2, 3, 7, 9, 10, 13
No matter what semester it is, what year you are, what class or graduation requirements exist, pretty much every law student ends up in the same six classes each semester. Even if you aren’t taking six different courses, chances are pretty good you’re currently enrolled in all of the below. [Note: these classes are not mutually exclusive.]
- That one class that’s way more work than it should be. Maybe it’s a required class or a bar class or something that you (incorrectly) assumed that it would be all memorization or little advance preparation. Or maybe it’s a class offered every semester but this time it’s a new professor with a new textbook so there are no outlines from the previous semester available. Whatever the situation, just thinking of doing all the requisite work makes you sigh dramatically and roll your eyes. Keep Reading ⇒
Waiting for your bar results can be the most stressful period of your life. Last year, I failed the July administration of the bar exam, but I went on to pass the February exam. I cannot undermine or ignore how devastating it was to fail, but the process of correcting what went wrong the first time — cliché, I know — taught me a lot about myself. Here are eight things I learned.
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Last month we brought you 10 Funny Judicial Quotes. Readers followed up with their favorites. It was a dandy time.
Now, Venkat Balasubramani brought to our attention via Twitter an opinion (PDF) from the Court of Appeal of California whereby the court gave valuable career advice to car thieves and lands itself in the newly-created Top Judicial Quotes standings on Bitter Lawyer:
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If we have our timing right, most law schools are buzzing with new activity, with first-year students in the middle of orientation or about to head off to start their studies. But what if it’s all a big mistake? What if you’ve gone to the wrong law school? Here are thirteen important things to look for to determine if you’ve made the wrong decision.
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