Chronicles of a Government Lawyer

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Post image for Chronicles of a Government Lawyer: The Small Town

I love working for the government. Nothing compares to the breadth of experience I got during my initial years as a government lawyer. Certainly nothing could have prepared me for my very first court appearance either. Some things can only be learned through experience.

I’d like to say “it was a dark and stormy night” but no, it was a very bright and crisp Monday morning. I anxiously awoke at the break of dawn and headed off to a small, unremarkable town in Southern Ohio (name withheld to protect the innocent). After a three hour life threatening slide through the snow, I drove past the town square, stopped at the town’s only traffic light, and proceeded to park at a 25 cent per hour meter in front of the town courthouse/police station—easily identifiable since it was the only two story building with a flag on top.
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Post image for Chronicles of a Government Lawyer: Coffee

My New Year’s resolution is to stop drinking coffee. Not because I get jittery and develop coffee-induced Tourette’s syndrome, or because I sweat coffee beans all day. It’s not even because I have matching coffee stains on my cheap suits, or that I have withdrawal headaches like a crackhead. You see, my office does not provide any complimentary coffee, that bitter nectar of gods. Welcome to the life of a government lawyer.

My work load is not for humans. When my boss throws files on my desk, I want to hurl them right back at him. Seriously, on any given day, I have over 100 active/open cases. Sure, they may be small cases, requiring short court appearances, but they are still cases, my friend. To get through the day, I need at least four full pots of coffee. Yes, pots, not mugs.
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