You read that right. Thomas P. Lowe, suspended-attorney-at-law, not only had an affair with a client who he had represented in her divorce, but actually invoiced her for old-man-sex (Lowe is 58). Sounds like prostitution to us.
But let’s see what the Minnesota Criminal Code says.
Welp, my weekend changed dramatically this week. I was under the impression I was going to be $640 million richer on Friday. Really makes you alter the plans when that doesn’t pan out. Nonetheless, the jackpot will be forgotten by next week. Seriously, how short is our attention span?
Mega millions has come and gone. Linsanity has turned into a Linjury. All of a sudden people realize that grinding up a cow is pretty gross. It’s almost refreshing to have a blast from the past like Octomom in the news. Nadya Suleman has turned to welfare in order to help pay the bills. I would say porn is the logical next step but her downstairs has got to be destroyed . . . like a Carnegie Deli sandwich.
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Relationships can be difficult. Let me rephrase that. Relationships are difficult. Especially for those in the legal profession who are often working more than 60 hours each week with barely enough leftover time to fulfill individual vices, let alone attempt to woo a cutie with a booty. Even for those individuals who currently have a significant other, relationships can be difficult to manage. Are lilies her favorite flower? Milk chocolate or dark chocolate? Do I ask her to be in an open relationship or do I just cheat? From the courting stage to the first date to the “Facebook Official” to the (likely eventual) breakup, problems can arise. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.
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Here are your headlines from the Bitter Newsroom, where we paint reality.
One Man’s Squatter is Another’s Possessor: In honor of bar exam week, we kick off with this delightful attempt at textbook adverse possession happening in Texas. The man learned that the Lone Star State requires only three years and, finding an abandoned home in foreclosure with a bankrupt mortgage lender, he may have found the ideal property to give it a spin. Neighbors are shocked and appalled, but we appreciate that he took time to learn the law rather than blab about how “fair” things are.
Negotiation skills come less readily to some, as reports out of Florida are confirming. Police in Bonita Springs have reported that a man, Fausino Diaz Hernandez, 46, was arrested last week after offering a female undercover cop who was posing as a prostitute two pennies for sex.
Lest you think Hernandez wasn’t willing to let her go without a fight, a spokesperson for the police has added that he “offered the undercover deputy other things as well, including cigarette lighters and a bicycle.” We know what you’re thinking—what hooker doesn’t love a free bicycle?—but the tactic apparently backfired and Hernandez was arrested, along with 10 other men, in the undercover sting.
Now, before you judge ol’ Fausino’s bargaining abilities, you have to admit: It takes someone special to make this guy look like a high roller. That’s gotta count for at least a little something. [WFTV.com]
Sick of all those crack whores tearing up your neighborhood? Well, you’re not alone. Apparently fed up with the influx of prostitutes and drug dealers hawking their wares day and night outside their home, a couple in Flint, Michigan has posted a cardboard sign (pictured above) declaring their neighborhood a “No Ho Zone.”
Sherrie Lynn and Russ Palmer posted the sign outside their house “after watching drug dealers and prostitutes doing business on the street and finding hypodermic needles and condoms left in their yard.” Sherrie Lynn, “a budding artist,” made the sign, which features drawings of eyes watching the street and a dog chasing a prostitute, after her husband “got the idea…after seeing a report on the ozone level.”
It remains unclear whether the sign has, in fact, deterred any prostitutes, although the Palmers claim that since the sign went up in May, “there has been less activity on the streets,” noting further, “The area’s coming up to what we want. We’re just waiting it out.”
While real estate experts have not agreed on exactly how long that wait may be, they have commended the Palmers for stumbling upon that long-held and little-known secret of real estate developers and city planners worldwide: Nothing ups your property value like a handwritten cardboard sign hung outside your house with “No Ho Zone” scrawled above a picture of a stray dog chasing a hooker. Well played. [MLive]
The aspiring model girlfriend of a rags-to-riches Park Avenue doorman who once worked as a “greeter” at a Manhattan club busted last week for being a brothel is now insisting to the media that she never, ever knew the club was actually selling sex. The name of this club that citizens coast-to-coast were shocked to learn was carrying on a little prostitution behind closed doors? Big Daddy Lou’s Hot Lap Dance Club on West 38th Street.
The former greeter, Sabina Mari Johansson, who worked at the club just weeks before it was raided, claims she “had no idea what was going on behind the scenes,” and only “learned about it when it hit the papers.” She reiterates that her job duties were limited to “greeting customers and helping dancers,” but did not—repeat, not—involve anything that could be construed as shady or hooker-ish. “I do fashion,” she clarified. “I do fitness. I do bikinis. I don’t do nude.”
Johansson’s reps have not commented on what, if any, new employment the fashion-fitness expert has secured since leaving Big Daddy Lou’s, but they have confirmed that she did recently turn down a receptionist position at Nasty Sam’s All-Nude Hooker Shack on 12th Ave, suspecting that the business was not, in fact, the high-fashion fitness spa that it claimed to be in its ad on Craigslist. [NY Post]
Amber Arpaio, a 26-year-old Jersey girl, is suing hooker-to-the-sort-of-stars Ashley Dupre and a whole bunch of other folks for allegedly stealing her identity and sullying her good name. Arpaio, who works in a dental office, claims that Dupre “somehow” stole her driver’s license in 2003 to convince Girls Gone Wild producers that she was old enough to be filmed and that part of the license is visible on the video of a dancing Dupre currently being hawked on the Girls Gone Wild website.
In her federal lawsuit filed last week, Arpaio claims that “Dupre’s use of her license has now linked her name to the Spitzer scandal and Dupre’s naked cavorting and career as a prostitute.” Hm. We’re not so sure about that, Ambs. Was it Dupre’s massive and all-encompassing identity heist that linked your name to the scandal or was it filing this lawsuit that did the trick? Because, while we hate to burst your bubble, we think it’s a pretty safe bet that if people watching the dancing-naked-girl video were focusing on anything that Ashley Dupre was flashing, chances are, it wasn’t your “stolen” drivers license. [The Smoking Gun]
