The Best of the Bitter: 2009

You don’t know where you’re bitterly going until you know where you’ve been.  So, in honor of an eventful year in the universe of all things legal, we’ve decided to re-feature our most popular content pieces from 2009.

What best entertained Bitter Lawyers while the walls of BigLaw, law schools and law firms crumbled around them the last 12 months?  Over the next week and a half, (in addition to some new content) we’ll be revealing which Advice From an Ex-Bitter question, Associate Abuse story, Bitter by Numbers list, Bitter Exclusive exposé, Interview with an intriguing lawyer and ex-lawyer, and Bitter Rant hoarded up the most attention. 

BITTER RANT

1.  Partner to Associates: Stop Being ‘Entitled, Whiny Pussies’

2.  Time is the Enemy

3.  File Under “Administrative Extinction”

BITTER BY NUMBERS

1.  Seven Women You Sleep With in Law School (Also: Eight Billable Hour Scams)

2.  Eight Real/Fake BigLaw Criteria

3.  Seven Signs of a D-Bag Lawyer

INTERVIEW

1.  Tucker Max: The Anti-Lawyer

2.  Len Elmore: NBA, Harvard, D.A. & Dreier

3.  Noel Biderman: King of Infidelity

BITTER EXCLUSIVE

1.  The Real Story on Fake Boobs

2.  Lawyers & Hookers: Great Bedfellows

3.  OCI: Hiring Partners Tell All

ASSOCIATE ABUSE

1.  (Marital) Home Wrecker

2.  Bageled

3.  “Does No Legal Analysis.”

ADVICE FROM AN EX-BITTER

1.  I’m Jealous of My Roommate

2.  I’m Deciding Between a JD and an MBA

3.  I’m a Miracle Paralegal.

LAW FIRM 10

The last year for LF10 has been…neurotic.  The lengths our Chicagoan female associate goes to, trying to balance the dryness of lawyer life with the barren drought of her love life, have showcased the hilarious proclivities of being a single chick with a JD.  We witnessed her fall from being the BigLaw Erin Andrews in 2008, to this year’s desperate dating service queen.

1. How to Lose a Non-Lawyer Boyfriend

Revealing to men that you’re mentally playing the reality game show “Who Wants To Make Me a Millionaire Stay-at-Home Mom” doesn’t always work out in a girl’s favor.

2.  Dangerous E-aisons

Giving a “balding, overly confident, married equity partner” an inch means he’ll take a mile—by bombarding a girl with a mile-long, sexually harassing email exchange.  Can’t anyone decipher between professional attentiveness and flirtation anymore? 

3.  Your Women’s Initiative Sucks

Why don’t more female lawyers realize that law firms’ Women’s Initiatives are for the fugly and awkward?

MATTHEW RICHARDSON

We don’t call Matthew Richardson “Unethical & Amoral” for nothing.  As an M&A associate at a big New York firm, he epitomizes everything you love / hate / love to hate about that one associate who always takes rules and norms and fucks them up for his own hedonistic pleasure.  This guy will dip his pen in the company ink—or any ink, for that matter—even if it’s a really objectionable inkwell.

1. Padding Hours: If I Did It

Sometimes the lines between “bill” and “bilk” get blurred.  Theoretically.

2.  I Like Summers

What’s the point of having female Summer Associates if they don’t get nude and hook up with one of the male associates for a few nights of drunken sex?

3.  You’re Fired… I’m Sorr—Jealous

Being laid off only sucks if you don’t think of it as an opportunity to reclaim your frat-tastic lifestyle and head down to Cancun for Spring Break. 

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Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.

3 Comments

  1. Guano Dubango

    December 22, 2009 at 6:04 am

    Is this another way of stating that Bitter Lawyer is not putting fresh material over the holidays?  How am I going to have any hope of attracting a decent female lawyer?  If there is not fresh material, how can I find a fresh female willing to bear me children and return with me to Ghana?  Must I go to Waco, Texas to follow a law woman I met here at a holiday gathering even though she has virtually no rear end?  I must have alternatives, and this website is denying me one, at least until the new year?  Well, then, ladies, best wishes until 2010.  I will return at that time if the lady with the flat rear end does not bear me fruit.

  2. BL1Y

    December 23, 2009 at 9:58 pm

  3. Anon

    January 6, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    bitter-licious!!!! MR rocks

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