Wanted: Photo of Law Firm 10

Q: Some of my law school friends were talking the other night about whether you’re hot (as your pen name implies). I think you are because of your writing style. But two of my friends—one female, one male—think you’re not. Will you please post a photo of yourself so I can win the $100 bet we’ve waged on the matter?

A: Unfortunately, I’m unable to assist you with settling your bet in the exact manner you’ve requested, because it would spoil the fun for everyone else. Perhaps more importantly, in the current crap legal market that we’re in, I would prefer to not lose my job due to my firm discovering that I’ve been anonymously blogging for the past few years on this site.

That doesn’t mean that I can’t try to help with the adjudication of this incredibly important issue.

For starters, please consider the implication of my non de plume. You will notice that I don’t call myself “Real World 10” or “Sales Rep 10” or “Marketing Assistant 10.” Instead, I call myself “Law Firm 10.” In other words, I’m the hottest girl in my law firm, and I probably would also be the hottest girl in your law school class. That’s not to say, however, that I’m the hottest girl in a Lincoln Park bar on a Friday night, or that Brent Musburger would salivate over me on national television (and I can say that with certainty, because I waited on Musburger when I was in college—he was having lunch alone and polished off almost an entire bottle of Ferrari-Carano chardonnay — and he left me a shitty tip and didn’t seem the least bit charmed by me). For an additional relevant discussion of my looks, see, e.g. Erin Andrews, Esq., my introductory post on Bitter Lawyer.

Secondly, you will note that I am funny. And, although I don’t dispute the fact that women are capable of being funny, I believe that it isn’t possible for a woman who has been categorically hot for her entire life to be funny. I’m sure there’s been plenty of ink spilled in interviews with Kristen Wiig and Anna Faris about the fact that they were unattractive weirdos in grade school who “bloomed” late in life (after developing the capacity to be funny during their borderline disfigured formative years). So, too, is the case with yours truly. My awkward years, which included, but were not limited to, enormous glasses, freaky teeth, and an overall lack of physical abilities and/or grace, continued until I started to college. Then, in college, I suddenly transformed into a person with above average looks, so I scrambled to develop the proper trappings of being blessed aesthetically (i.e. vanity, grooming, confidence, sexiness, flirtatiousness). However, other hot girls—who’d been hot from the start—had already cemented these skills years ago, so I lack the dazzling, magnetic charisma of a girl from the hottest sorority in school. But I (arguably) make up for that with my wit, humor, and low-maintenance-ness.

I guess, then, what I’m trying to say is: all three of you are right (and wrong).  I am hot, but I’m also not hot, depending on the context and the eye of the beholder. And I’m also haunted by the ghost of a not hot girl, who still dwells somewhere inside me and takes over from time to time in certain situations.

So there you have it: you all lose the bet. Oh, and I would be willing to bet that none of you are hot, because hot people don’t get themselves all riled up debating the looks of others. When is the last time you’ve heard a truly attractive guy complaining about “the lack of talent” in any given bar/party? Just saying.

Post image courtesy of Shutterstock. Or maybe not.

Law Firm 10 may lack the dazzling, magnetic charisma of a girl from the hottest sorority in school, but she (arguably) makes up for that with her wit, humor, and low-maintenance-ness. Read more from Law Firm 10.

25 Comments

  1. Dan

    January 10, 2013 at 8:53 am

    You want a picture of “Law Firm 10″? Just Google “Everywhere Else 6″. This is why I married a schoolteacher.

  2. Modred189

    January 10, 2013 at 8:53 am

    “Oh, and I would be willing to bet that none of you are hot, because hot people don’t get themselves all riled up debating the looks of others. When is the last time you’ve heard a truly attractive guy complaining about “the lack of talent” in any given bar/party? Just saying.”

    Burn.

  3. Mean Partner

    January 10, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Law firm 10 is hot, even if its not Talent Agency Assistant hot. But you could at least tease him a bit by providing hair color, height, etc. Its of no interest to me, of course, but I feel you owe the Question Writer a fair response.

    • Frank

      January 12, 2013 at 8:04 am

      Agreed. No one is asking for your headshot, or even a below the neck picture showing the rest of you. Give us a clean pic and stats without your mug!

  4. Jill

    January 10, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    i am not a 10 but I was considered cute in law school.

    I also would not show my boobies to any man unless they first buy me dinner.

    • Dan

      January 12, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      Ah, so you’ll take your clothes off for a price?
      And we call men shallow.

      • Ed

        January 12, 2013 at 7:30 pm

        I agree. Show us your boobs!

        • Jeff

          January 15, 2013 at 2:38 pm

          Ed, first you should , as a gentleman, show her (and us) your own boobs. We’re lawyers. We’re tough. We can take it. And maybe Jill – or even LawFirm10 -or some as yet unkown reader – will be smitten! True love is a wonderful thing.

          P.S. Disclaimer. I’m disgustingly straight. I have no real interest in seeing your boobs.
          P.P.S One of you morons should have offered to take Jill to dinner. Sheesh!

          (sorry. This is more fun than work)

  5. CSM

    January 11, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    I laughed out loud when LF10 called herself funny, becuase that’s the last word I’d use to describe her. Neurotic, yes, funny no, I thought, at least until I read the part about her low-maintenance-ness, which had to be a joke (and was a hilarious one at that, as anyone that’s read her past columns would know).

  6. Chet

    January 11, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    I’ve actually met Law Firm 10. I won’t say how, where or when, but I’ve met her. And here’s the truth: She’s cute. Very cute. A real world/NY/LA 7 . As memory serves, she’s tall. About 5’8. Nice body too. Thin and athletic. Is she a model? No. But she doesn’t pretend to be one either. But would a typical lawyer-dork be thrilled to go out with her? Yes.

    • Jill

      January 12, 2013 at 2:33 pm

      She can’t be as cute as me. I am a real world 9, even with my slightly larger tuchus.

      • Dan

        January 12, 2013 at 3:25 pm

        Useless without pics.

  7. Frank

    January 12, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Probably not the lowest of maintenance, but what guys are willing to put up with that provided that she puts out. If she’s cute, guys will be thinking about her in the sack and exactly what she’d be doing and exactly what they’d be doing. The last thing we want is someone prim and proper with a law degree. In bed we want a tigress without boundaries. At work she can be reserved, but in bed we want everything everywhere. Clear enough?

  8. Bob

    January 13, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    No gal is a 10, whether in the real world or law school unless she is fresh and clean below the belt. I went out with a very pretty French girl who literally knocked me out when I pulled her panties off. That stench was not sexy at all, even if guys go for that in France. It made Gruyiere cheese smell good if you get my drift. Gals, scrub your privates before you expect men to cover their ears between your thighs. It is the American way!

  9. Laura

    January 14, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Your wee wees don’t exactly smell like a rose. Don’t expect BJs from us unless they are clean and have to trace of where you’ve been with those wieners!

  10. Jeff

    January 15, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    I am male, and ancient, bald and generally decrepit. And I have no idea about how LawFirm10 actually looks. I expect any sexual encounter involving me and LawFirm10 would result in my death, either directly and immediately due to my decrepit state, or in an ugly and probably slower manner when my spouse learned of it. Even just viewing the requested picture could kill me, depending on the level of clothing involved. So I have no vested interest in the outcome of this debate.

    But, to the point -While perhaps cutting her some slack because it’s a pseudonym used for writing, it has been my experience that people who actually describe themselves as 10’s , or 9’s, or “Alpha Males” almost universally are not those things.

    • Bitter Editor

      January 15, 2013 at 1:32 pm

      Jeff, you should write for us!

      • Jeff

        January 15, 2013 at 2:28 pm

        Thank you for the compliment. It’s nice when someone besides me finds me funny.

        While I certainly enjoy reading Bitter Lawyer (a fairly recent discovery – and those You Tube depositions are priceless!), I suspect that my experiences and outlook are somewhat outside of the usual “target demographic” of Bitter Lawyer.

        Nevertheless, if I find I have something appropriate/funny to say and the time to write it down, I’ll submit it to you, now that I’ve been invited (kind of, and along with everyone else.). Perhaps as “Dubious advice from a cranky old lawyer”

        Anyway, I hope all you young ‘uns keep having fun, both on Bitter Lawyer and in life in general. I’ll keep reading.

  11. TexJudge

    January 31, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    I have enjoyed LF10’s column for several years; she is funny, writes well and has a keen insight into what life is like for a BigLaw female associate. I could easily be good friends with her and frankly do not care what she looks like. That being said, in general female lawyers look more like Gloria Allred (ugh!) than they do Halle Berry (yeah!)

  12. TexJudge

    March 11, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    The only 10 I have ever seen is Sharon Tate, who was killed by that scumbag Charles Manson (us Texans would have given him the needle years ago unlike those pussy Californians.) While I doubt LF 10 is in Sharon’s league lookwise, her intelligence and sense of humor I find to be highly attractive and, as long as she doesn’t look like the typical NOW member, I would definitely date her.

    • Jeff

      March 11, 2013 at 5:34 pm

      Are you really old enough to have met Sharon Tate? I am impressed! I am also old enough, although I never met her. On film, she seems like a 10 to me.

      I’m not a big fan of capital punishment, largely because we seem to keep finding some people on death row who (due to things like DNA evidence) turn out to be innocent, but, yeah, Charlie Manson is somewhat of an effective counter-argument.

      I do agree strongly that possible date material and “attractiveness” involves a lot more than appearance numbers. I remember two 9’s I went out with in college, who on the first date, turned out to be pretty dumb. I never called for a second date. Why would I? To impress other people at a party, at least until she opened her mouth?. Nah, even then I was not quite so stupid myself. I confess I went for women who were at the very least 6’s and preferably sevens (so I was/am a pig. so sue me), but once we got to seven, other factors were much, much bigger.

  13. Jeff

    March 11, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    Boy, you guys have a low opinion of both women lawyers and “typical” NOW members. I will admit that I have met very few women lawyers I would consider a 10, but there have been some. The NOW members, the same. A lot of 8’s though. I will admit that the 10 level among both groups is probably lower than that of the general population,, frankly, not by that much. There just aren’t a lot of 10’s, period.

    • Hal

      March 12, 2013 at 6:18 am

      Women lawyers are not hot. They are good for sex after some pitchers of beer but when you sober up the last place you want to find your head is between her thighs. OMG, I wouldn’t wish that on any douche!

      • Jeff

        March 13, 2013 at 12:53 pm

        To be so young, yet so jaded or cynical —

        As a group, a point or two lower thatn the general population, sure. Compared to NFL Cheerleaeders as a group, definitely much lower. But i think you over generalize..

        Maybe I have much lower standards, but I seriously doubt it. Maybe attractive women just gravitate towards my presence but I really, really doubt that. I think we just know different sets of women lawyers. I think we will have to cheerfully disagree one this one. I do wish you better luch in the future.

  14. Jaded

    September 30, 2013 at 12:45 am

    Oh LF10, your self-description is dead-center identical to that of my wife. She’s hot but wasn’t hot until she hit her 30s. People who meet her are continuously amazed: at how down to earth she is despite being hot, and at how a guy like me wound up with her. What truly precious gems women like you are, and what lucky bastards the men like us who end up with you are. Keep on keeping on. :)

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