Was It Your Worst Week Ever?


Damn, I wish I was a Bus Monitor. People are saying Karen Klein has had a bad week. I would take kids making fun of me for 10 minutes for HALF A MILLION DOLLARS anytime. There are Make-A-Wish kids who want to become bus monitors right now. I would do anything to fly a private jet down to Sallie Mae’s headquarters and make it rain.

At least my reality TV show didn’t bomb like Bristol Palin’s show. And now she is saying she isn’t going to have sex until she is married. Umm, toots, you can’t put the genie back in the bottle. Maybe if you would have thought about that a couple years ago you wouldn’t have had a kid whose name is a verb.

Time to play: Why was Patricia McCollum arrested?

  1. Illegally impersonating Fred Flintstone;
  2. Stealing smores from a Boy Scouts’ camping trip;
  3. Exposure of Sexual Organs in Public

If you guessed ‘C’ congratulations… I think. The 400-pound woman was arrested after being found sitting in the buff on a bus bench in Fort Lauderdale. Buzz, your girlfriend . . . woof. Patty gives me the heebie jeebies, and not in a good way.

Who else seen the leprechaun say “Yeah?” If you said “Yeah,” then Seattle police would like to talk to you. A man was found by police covered in blood and holding his head while screaming in pain. When police asked the man who was involved in the fight he said, “It was a bunch of leprechauns,” including one in a wife-beater. Apparently they were mad because he was after their lucky charms dancing with a girl.

Does this guy have a death wish? Dancing with a leprechaun’s girl right in his oddly sized, ginger bearded face? It’s the Fighting Irish for a reason, bro. They aren’t a bunch of mystical creatures prancing around blowing rainbows out their asses and hiding pots of gold. Guys are ruthless. And that goes double for a leprechaun in a wife-beater. You are a bad mother if you go out to be magically delicious out of dress code. No treasure chest at the end of that rainbow. Just haymakers to the face.

A Kentucky woman found herself in a shitty situation when she was literally stuck in a Walmart bathroom. The lady apparently sat down on a toilet that was covered in super glue. After an hour EMS had to pull the woman off the seat. Police believe this may have been done on purpose.

Nice work, Sherlock. Suspecting some foul play here? Was it the part about a lady’s ass being superglued to a seat that gave it away? Must have been. Anyways, is this the worst thing ever? First, having to be in such a horrible situation that you would even consider taking a shit at Walmart is terrifying. Then, to get superglued to said seat? For an hour! I might just take the bullet at that point. Walmart truly is Darwin’s waiting room.

Post image from Shutterstock

Douglas Stephan is a solo attorney and owner of the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. He received his JD in 2010 from Ohio Northern University and BA from Ohio University. His practice is located outside of Dayton, Ohio. You can follow him on Twitter @stephanlaw.

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