What a Thank You Letter Should Say

Can we all agree that post-interview Thank You notes are bullshit? Don’t get me wrong, I send them even though I have the handwriting of a 5-year-old. I am sure they serve a purpose and show respect to the firm for taking their time to meet with me but the hiring partner probably gets 20 for every position so I doubt it’s going to make or break my hiring. Not to mention, I am pretty sure that every person’s note is basically the same 5 to 10 sentences that they found through a Google search. Thus, I think it is time to find out what truly should be included in a thank you note.

What My Thank You Note Actually Says:

Dear Mr. Smith,

Thank you very much for taking your time to meet with me yesterday. Your insight on being a lawyer at Awesome & Awesome, LLP, was very helpful.

I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the recent decision handed down from the 8th circuit. Your enthusiasm and passion for your work increases my desire to further pursue a position with your firm. I believe that the firm is a great fit for me and our meeting confirmed my thoughts about the exciting level of work I would be doing at Awesome & Awesome.

It was a pleasure to meet you. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need any additional information. I look forward to hearing from you and I thank you for your time.

I will be rooting for your Irish on Saturday!

Sincerely,

Han B. Solo

What My Thank You Note Should Say:

Dear Hiring Partner Whose Suit is Worth More Than My POS Car,

Please give me this job. Pretty please. I have to move out of my parent’s basement. Not that I want to move out (I do) but I am actually being kicked out at the end of the month. Being a bitch at your firm will give me the opportunity to rent a shitty studio apartment and make the occasional payment to Sallie Mae.

Also, I really enjoyed hearing you talk about yourself for 45 minutes. That joke you told, you know the one you messed up the punch line three times, yeah, that was pretty funny.  Also, I have no fucking clue what case you were talking about the entire time. It seemed important so I just agreed with you the entire time because who the hell follows every boring ass case coming out of a court whose jurisdiction doesn’t even include this state.

Finally, I know my GPA sucks and my class rank is a joke but I did extremely well in Sports and Entertainment law, which should help make the transition into this Tax Law position. It was a pleasure meeting you and I can send you a list of fake references if you need it. Also, don’t call any of my “former employers.” They won’t remember me.

I’ll be rooting for your . . . umm what the fuck is Harvard’s mascot? Crimson? The fighting “Crimsons”?  Whatever bro, you went to Harvard. There is a 1000% chance your team is going to lose in most sporting events.

Sincerly, Sincirely, Cincerly, Thanks,

Han Solo

Post image courtesy of Shutterstock.

1 Comment

  1. Fran

    February 11, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Never offer to give partners oral sex. Once you get the job, you may have to but never volunteer.

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