Two weeks ago today, I did something that I thought was fairly non-controversial (I was wrong, apparently). I deactivated my Facebook account. And not just the half-hearted deactivation option Facebook offers, whereby your account remains saved and can be reactivated at any time—I actually completely deleted my account.
Here’s the really crazy part: I’ve spent the last 14 days fielding hundreds of emails from family, friends, and periphery ranging from mere curiosity to utter disbelief that I’m no longer on Facebook. No one can understand why I would ever want to disconnect myself from the (unfortunately) ubiquitous social network. Well, here’s why.
I spend roughly 13 hours a day staring at flat, glowing screens, toiling away in the limbo of cyberspace. And my evenings (sadly) often center around staring at TV screens. So with the precious little free time that I have, I want to actually experience things in real space—in the flesh and blood, three-dimensional world. If I feel the need to discuss an event or something of interest, I prefer to do so by engaging in private conversations with significant people I legitimately care about.
Both of these inclinations are antithetical to the behaviors that Facebook reinforces. One of the things that creeps me out the most about the core Facebook demographic—I call them “Screen People”—is that their entire joie de vivre seems centered around documenting their moments on Facebook’s screens. The Screen People derive their real pleasure from assembling a two-dimensional record of the (often insignificant) day-to-day minutiae of their lives.
Everyone’s always complaining about reality TV and Paris Hilton and Keeping up with the Kardashians with some variation of, “Nowadays, people are famous for absolutely nothing.” That same principle is what grosses me out about Facebook—it’s like the Screen People want their turn to be reality stars, and Facebook has granted their wish by providing them with a screen and audience for their very own reality shows. It reminds me of Mike Teavee in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory—the kid who loved TV so much that he volunteered to be transmitted through the airwaves into a little tiny TV set. The Screen People love to focus their attention on screens so much that they voluntarily shrink their lives down into little scripted chunks on the Facebook screen. Cue the Oompa Loompas!
In truth, I am also profoundly, vicariously embarrassed by the oversharing that the Screen People constantly engage in. I do not care that you made yummy Tuscan vegetable soup for dinner, and I definitely don’t need to see a picture of it. I don’t feel any real sympathy about the fact that you have a cold. And I’m guessing that the cute picture of your baby doing a silly thing that you just mobile-uploaded would’ve been a lot more meaningful if you weren’t distracted by the Facebook posting ritual in the wake of the moment.
What makes it even worse is that it’s a phenomenon that feeds off itself and isn’t limited to the screen. Think about the last time you went out in public. Chances are you were involved in a conversation about what someone posted on Facebook, and/or that you posed in a picture that was immediately uploaded to Facebook. This is the big triumph of the Screen People—they’ve successfully reduced life to little more than posts and status updates and mobile uploads and tagging and likes, and now they’re cheapening actual in-person interactions by redirecting the focus back to the screens, even when we’re not sitting in front of the screens (but we are carrying them in our pockets and purses, now that phones are really just tiny iPads).
Hopefully I’m not the only one who feels this way. I would love to find out that there are at least a few other people who prefer living life to living life for the sake of capturing it on a tiny screen. But judging from the disapproval to which I’ve been subjected ever since stepping off the grid two weeks ago, it’s safe to say that I’m in some sort of Luddite minority when it comes to disconnecting.
(Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/boltron/4461019149)
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Most lawyers I know–at least the ones over 40–are not into Facebook or even on it. This is a sign of LF10′s maturity.
I think you had the wrong friends. I wouldn’t say that most people on FB are “Screen People.” For my part, I find FB a great way to keep up with people who are really important to me, but who I don’t have much opportunity to spend time with (whether they’re family, close friends, or acquaintances whose company I enjoy.) I rarely see anything posted that I completely do not care about, because it’s from someone whose experiences I value having some knowledge of.
Oh, c’mon. We all have acquaintances we could care less about, and Facebook is becoming a haven for narcissistic people to reflect on their egos, and post their b.s. that has no bearing on our lives. The author is right.
How could you object to someone’s simple appreciation for staying connected. That’s ridiculous. The whole point of this type of web development is that the author provides a tool with a space and you fill it up, you create the purpose, the content and the meaning if any that it has. Facebook is simple a linking system like the web itself that connects you to people you kow. You can delete them or keep them so what you are talking about is having found an issue with who YOU are. What you do with a content delivery space is all about who you are. It seems to me that Facebook is most troublesome for people who prefer to maintain disingenuous relationships with people in their lives. Facebook holds a mirror up to this type of relationship by testing the depth of your relationships.
To me this is completely unnatural. We all have people who come in and out of our lives for varying lengths of time, but now because of Facebook we feel like we should stay in contact with everyone forever, and this causes anxiety.
I believe that if you truly think someone is “really important”, you’ll call or make the effort to see them in person.
Luckily this has a facebook share button so I can share this post with all my “friends”
Ha!
I did the same!
Nope, it’s not just you. I have never understood any of that, or felt whatever addictive thrill it is that other people seem to get from the whole “social media” thing. I very reluctantly joined Facebook a year or so ago pretty much for the sole purpose of getting to see my high school boyfriend’s daughter’s baby pics. I do not personally feel the need to post my kids’ pictures, mostly because it creeps me out. Yeah, I know there’s some kind of way to limit access. I’m not interested enough in it to take the time to figure out how. If I care that much about you, I’ll email them, often along with an actual message specifically addressed to YOU, not all of mankind. If you’re not one of those few people, I’m not presumptuous enough to think you’d WANT to see photos of my kid, or my cat, or the strange thing growing out of my neoghbor’s batbroom floor, or my leftover pizza, or hear how my afternoon sucked, or that I just found the most awesome vegetarian tamales EVER. Why would you be interested in the minutiae of my boring life? If you are, either you need help (and sorry, I’m not the kind of counselor you need–keep looking!), you’re some sicko stalker and I’m the one who needs help, or you just…need to get a life (no, not mine! Find your own!).
I’d really like to think that there’s some legitimate business purpose to Facebook. Other people certainly seem to think so, so I’ve pretended that I agree with that and have “friended” (WTH? That word is not a verb!!!) maybe 40 or 50 attorneys and other people I know tbrough work. I guess I’m still waiting for that magic moment when it all makes sense. If I’m thinking about it, I look at the list of updates from my pseudo-friends every week or so. Okay, more realistically, usually once a month. Unfortunately, the only real effect it’s had on me so far is that I now almost hate several people that I used to kind of vaguely like, having now found out against my will that they’re not really other middle-aged attorneys like me, they’re actually shallow. vapid, self-absorbed little high school biyotches just dressed up to LOOK like lawyers. Some of them seriously seem almost mentally ill. And I’ve never even tried Twitter, which I “get” even less. I wonder sometimes if this is what it feels like to grow up gay–constantly feeling like everyone else is in on some big thing that you’ll just never be a part of. Admittedly you’re not a part of it because you don’t WANT to be a part of it, but still, it sucks sometimes. I should be used to it by now, because long before this, I became That Freak Who Doesn’t Watch TV. Again, not for any knd of moral, ethical, intellectual, or fashion statementy kind of reason, pretty much just because it stopped interesting me at some point around when American Idol came along. Now, it strikes me as being downright trashy in a “DUDE!!! Let’s stop and check out that rollover–is that chick smeared across the pavement really DEAD?!” kind of a way.
Your comment points out something I find social media very useful for: determining whose priorities and ethical standards make them worth knowing and who is totally clueless about what is appropriate in what was once known as “polite” company.
Twitter is useful for contacting someone who has answers or connections who is normally difficult to reach because they have gatekeepers or have kept their contact information private and you don’t have it. We can leave a short message about why we want their attention which they can reply to at the time that is most convenient for them – and then we can agree to connect or not. (This isn’t optimum as Twitter is censoring now; however, it still works most of the time.)
The purpose of major social networks like Facebook, Twitter and Google+ is similar to television, movies, and partying: to keep the clueless constantly entertained so they don’t object to what is going on in the “real” world.
That does NOT mean we have to play their game or do what THEY want. We use these platforms to accomplish specific goals such as supporting ethical small businesses, worthy causes, and creating a better world. They don’t like it, but so far their efforts to shut us down have been ineffective as we find workarounds.
It IS possible to have real relationships that matter with people you never meet in person – just as most people have shallow, meaningless relationships in real life. I do it all the time because I do not know any other people like me who live anywhere near where I currently am. The few others are all over the world so we interact online and very rarely ever in person.
I do not have television service, but I can play DVDs to an old TV that does not get a live signal. My PC is a desktop and it does NOT have a camera because I have no interest in being seen at all hours of the day and night. I do NOT have a “smart” phone – by choice. The only microphone can be unplugged and has an on/off button because I like my privacy – and few see how little of that is left to us as they rush to volunteer to be tracked, controlled and chipped – and even pay for that “privilege”.
Enjoy the Internet as we know it because between SOPA and Internet Neutrality and growing censorship of search engines and social networks who knows how long we will have freedom of choice to see what we want to see.
LF10 continues to mystify and amuse: Gobsmacked by a transitory brush with “life” (a party on the south side that would not match the food at Chuck E Cheese or Ricky Martin’s cheap champagne), she’s severed ties to –people who share photos of their kids and Bean soup.
Bent on on experiencing real life, she says. Or unmarried, childless, and maybe with so much weight from cheap party food that she’s effectively without a thing to post?
So she’s sucked enough gratuitious life from them but now feels embarrassed to be there? Like a graduated senior who returns to campus to realize they’re out of place?
That happens a lot to people in their 30′s: they just realize they have nothing to say to parents, or people enamored of their soup and drop out.
Good for her: Facebook is for kids: get away from the cheap parties, back to a gym and back onto Facebook as a mid 30′s hottie.
What better way to notify the world that you’ve decided to step off the grid than updating your blog?
Blogging is a platform for organised thought and social commentary. Facebook is for letting everyone know how funny you think Jersey Shore is tonight, or uploading photos you’ve taken of yourself in the mirror.
“I wonder sometimes if this is what it feels like to grow up gay–constantly feeling like everyone else is in on some big thing that you’ll just never be a part of. ”
Wow. Perhaps it was unintentional, but I can’t even begin to describe to you the offensiveness of that statement. That’s not what it’s like to grow up gay. It’s different for everyone, and every time, but things like terror, desperation, and depression far outweigh any pining for the straight life that will never be. I think it’s spectacularly self-involved to think that any gay man or woman spends a terrible amount of time feeling like they’ve missed out on some big part of life because they’re not heterosexual.
As far as Facebook is concerned…good. Keep your account deleted. I can’t imagine you were much fun on Facebook anyway. And I say that as a mature, successful professional in his mid-30s, who obviously has managed to suck more joy out of life than you. Cheers!
Why is everyone so quick to be offended by everything these days? I thought everyone had grown a pair of balls by now, gay or not. Why can’t we make off-color remarks without walking on eggshells? It obviously wasn’t directed at you personally. Every time I turn around, someone else is “butt hurt” about something else…(no pun intended, so don’t be offended) Grow some skin people.
@OP: I agree with everything you said. It sickens me to see how much time some people spend on Facebook, and how much some overshare. I don’t think people realize the harmful social effect it is creating.
I agree with everything LF10 has to say here. I never was interested in Facebook, other than the movie that is. I am much like the Winklevoss Twins, having been exiled by my Aunt Ooona and told not to return without a suitable law bride.
So the only thing people will miss about LF10 not being on Facebook is no longer seeing her face. I would have liked to see if she was pretty, but that would have required me signing up. I am not sure if that would have been worth it, but as of now, it is a “mute point”.
I just posted this link to my FB page.
You should be applauded. This stuff is just so out of hand. The term “get a life” really rings true. My wife refuses to join Facebook for mainly the reasons you state. And I am a reluctant and passive member. I really have not engaged in it except to send birthday greetings. None of my personal stuff is discussed, but I have not pulled the plug based upon some fanciful notion that it may be good for business. The latter idea is probably a bunch of hogwash. Anyway when I get up the nerve maybe I will be brave like you and pull the plug on this drag upon being a human. Thanks for your insight braveheart!
I think the author quit the wrong bit of technology; shoulda quit the TV.
At it’s core, Facebook (and also Twitter) are forms of communication. (TV is a one-way form of communication.) What is communicated on Facebook is nothing different than what is discussed at the dinner table, the water cooler, or the bars.
I imagine the author does not care for small talk or like reading links to articles on Facebook (a link which brought me here).
Her article reminds me of the silly pie versus cake articles in Salon. (BTW, I prefer pie!)
I agree with you and applaud your stance. I have an account but am barely on it because it has become such a time consuming chore (yes) to database my life or anyone else’s. Also, your analogy to reality shows is spot on. Did not see the connection but now I do. Your candor is much appreciated.
If FB is so insignificant and such a waste of time (which I agree with), why not quietly delete your account without making an announcement and writing an article about it. Silly. I’m 100% sure that your friends/family were wondering why you left FB because like most people who decide to leave FB, you announced it, which is yet another way of trying to get attention…exactly what you’re preaching against. Unless announced, most deleted accounts go unnoticed. What’s the point of being off the grid if you’re gonna talk about it?
The idea is that he doesn’t have to individually explain to all the people asking why he deleted it. One post and he can now point people here for the reason why.
I deleted mine about 6 weeks ago and so far exactly 1 of my 140 FB friends has noticed. The ones I communicate regularly keep sending me emails the way they always did and I don’t feel any less connected to them. Just proved to me what a waste of my time it was to have.
You’re a joke.
the moment i wrote this comment, i just deleted my fb account few hours back. actually i just made my fb account 1 and half months ago n i feel i’ve turn to a different person n i hate it. everyday, the first thing i think about when i woke up is, ”is there any notification on my fb?” and i keep staring at this flat screen. i lose focus in study and i feel very bad.
i have few good points that, telling everyone on your wall about your current status making your life no more special. and, actually making friend thru fb made the meaning of friendship valueless. Before, we will feel so excited when we met somebody who is staying far away or away from us for along time but fb has destroy all of this feeling.
FB actually ruin the relationship, (i mean the true meaning of a relationship)
Stop all the fake ”friends”. Be a real human!
My 17 yr. old son just deactivated his account permanently. He feels there are too many attention whores and braggerts on their. I agree. We live in a shallow culture.
I agree with a lot that has been said in favor of not having Facebook. I have deactivated my account several times, sometimes for months at a time. I am pondering the final deletion, but am collecting email addresses first. I have already started emailing my friends and family with important news (no, I didn’t announce my engagement and pregnancy on the internet…gasp!) and it’s working out quite nicely.
I think the internet is as good as it is bad. I agree that technology has helped advanced our culture as a whole. However, I also notice a distinct trend of children with more and more luxuries and fewer responsibilities. I see that many children are emotionally stunted and irresponsible because they don’t have to work hard to get the things they have. They are entitled, lazy, and often helpless. Want to help a child? Don’t give them Facebook. Give them a field guide and teach them about our physical world, not our creations and means of escaping reality (i.e. entertainment). Real life is entertaining enough. Try it.
Facebook isn’t a solution to some problem we used to have. It’s not like people can’t stay in touch in other ways. I think of it as a Band-Aid for some part of a person’s psyche that is left unfulfilled otherwise. I don’t need anyone’s approval or for them to notice me. I enjoy moments as they come and don’t feel the need to share them with everyone. I try to communicate with people directly. This is why Facebook has little to no room in my life anymore. It simply doesn’t serve me much of a purpose except as a means of wasting time.
Facebook clean since 10/11/11
Where is the little “share this article on facebook button?” I feel so lost . . .
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